2005-04-17 13:44:03 ET|
Things have been tough, lately. One thing after another, it seems, and I'm so darn tired all the time because of it.
Last week, my parents went out to Arizona to visit my step-grandmother and my grandpa, cuz he had pnuemonia, and we weren't sure what was going to happen. I had to stay behind, as missing that much work would be very bad.
I can't describe, really, what we are all going through. It's almost like we're grieving for someone who's still alive. Which, in a way, I guess, is true. My grandpa has something called Lewy Body Pick's Disease, which is a horrible disease that basically means his brain is shrinking. Like Alzheimers, he will gradually forget things (and has) and will constantly have to be reminded of things. He knows what's happening to him, but eventually he won't know anything. Everything will be strange and everyone will be a stranger...even his wife, whom he sees every day.
I think about when I was a little kid, and I would go out to AZ to visit my grandpa with my parents...I just think of all the fun things we used to do and how I would practically be bouncing in the seat as the plane pulled into Phoenix Airport...and I wish I could remember more. But one thing I will never forget...the one thing I remember about him most, and has touched my heart and soul more than any other memory I have of him, is his smile. I know, it's all cheesy and silly sounding, but it's true.
It's hard staying strong for my mom...I just want to burst into tears and hold her whenever I see her, because I can feel her pain. But I feel like she needs me to stay strong for her so she can get out of bed every day and do the things she needs to do.
On the up-side, I got to go buy makeup today for the movie...which always makes me feel better...esp. since the producer is reimbursing me, and I get to keep the makeup afterwards :]
Anyhow...thats all I can write for now...more another time.