2004-11-23 21:07:33 ET

Well, Iím feeling better now on the breathing problem. I hope I keep getting better, it sucks not being able to breathe freely.
Still yesterday and today morning I was feeling quite depressed, then I got distracted by stuff and my mood changed to a bit more of a daydreamer, not in a happy dreamer guy, just like sighing fantasies. I guess I should try to draw a time-killer-hobby comic book again, like I did 5 years ago, maybe a graphic novel. But itís been long since go sit and draw something seriously. Bah... I donít know.

This Thursday, Oct 25, weíre having this Ďvery importantí concert thing in a fancy theatre. In the symphonic orchestra (easy level) Iíll be the Concertino again, I suppose, and at the string chamber orch. (harder level) Iím Violin II like always; and then a guest orchestra will join and I guess Iíll be assistant of their Concertino. Whatever. I canít say I feel really excited about it, not because of my constant apathy, I still donít feel very enthusiast about the symphonic orch., either for the repertoire or the people on it.
Talking about music, I know enough of harmony that the director told me to write a simple arrangement of something for the orchestra and maybe weíll play it one day. I chose and small piece of Schumann just to practice; I finished it, Iíll show it to him later. I was also thinking of doing an arrangement of Piazzolaís Libertango too, itís kind of an amusing piece.

School is almost over, just a few more painful exams and works. Shit, Iím afraid Iím going to flunk some subjects. Damn professor, knows shit of nothing. I just want to finish it all and go to sleep. ...sleep... ironically, sometimes I feel that the best part of my life is only when Iím asleep.

2004-11-24 12:00:38 ET

i like being awake and doing things these days, i like to fix things, because theres always something wrong with my life, and if i can fix it then i want to fix it but if i cant then i just have to accept it and move on, i used to dwell on everything and sleep all the time but ive gotten over that and i like to live now. i understand even though im not in that mind anymore, i still remember it all.

2004-11-24 18:46:32 ET

Being awake.... mmh, I'm often sleeping at school classes lately this semester.
Fix things... well... in this journals are the evidences of my damn shyness problem, I think I have struggled that since I was a kid and have not fixed, I'm fucked, I accept it. I doubt I can fix anything on me,... mhh, who knows.

2004-11-25 05:22:55 ET

i know you can :)

  Return to Malkavian's page