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2004-11-27 20:41:48 ET
I guess it’s nothing new that I’m always updating this thing only at midnight, for it seems it’s the moment I’m more calmed and have nothing else to do.
So, as I have been mention the past entries, all this past week I’ve been feeling like total crap, that is really decayed, on Friday even some schoolmates told I looked different, that I was being very quiet, in deed that day I felt not wanting to talk much... apathy at it best. Sometimes it’s also because I’m aware I’m a really boring person, I never have topics to talk about with anyone... constantly changing thoughts for one moment to another, like:
“I’m not sure if I had to calculate alternate current or direct current, was it the same line voltage for a delta or for a star? Why is it said that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, when some Buddhists believe the key for a long life is not taking breakfast? On depressed days I only eat twice a day, some others I eat too much. I wonder who or when does the Neapolitan Sixths chords started using, I’ve seen them used by Brahms and Chopin and from there on. Why am I always so alone, I’ve been the one who ends up considering interesting some people, but I’m either boring or freaky for the others. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to use the same voltage formulas for the by-pass capacitor as for the amplifier extension. They’re showing up again reruns from the first series and I already missed one episode, damn, I wish the series didn’t end like that, even I could write more plots. I’ve never drunk more than 6 beers and I’m not sure if I want to find out how drunk can I get. I keep having some problem to control the bow when performing forte at fast notes or stacatto. I wonder how would people miss me if I died, maybe they would care much, I guess I’m not special for anyone, I’m just part of something else anywhere, just a tiny futile piece, not very important. What would happen it that tree was hit by a lightening? Where are my gloves? I’m feeling sort of cold on my hands; my room is always the coldest one. I wish I could sleep one day peacefully without waking up concerning on having to something.”
That’s about my random thoughts over and over, hence why I’m never have something to talk about with anyone, I know they’d find boring, hence I’m quiet. Yeah, maybe I wouldn’t do a big missing for anyone, I guess I’ll just keep breathing this oxygen for the moment. |
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