weird dream
2004-12-05 20:10:35 ET

Well, I still have another exam tomorrow for the same subject, but I have no hopes for it anymore, blah.
This weekend were no rehearsal, even though I practiced in my room Friday and Saturday, the strange thing is that these two days I practiced like hell, for 2 hours in a row barely stopping just to change the sheet music, and today Sunday I didnít even touch the violin. But those days like I said I was playing and playing really hard my hands did get tired a lot, specially yesterday, Saturday, I practiced like hell, when I decided stopping I could feel my heartbeat over my left hand, like pumping all to my hand, I felt like it was going to explode, my fingers were hurting in deed; bah, whatever.

Today I took a nap and woke up from a weird dream. I can remember part of it because this was some really insane dream, it got me really deeply into my way of thinking. I donít know how to express it but it got me, again, these ultra complicated philosophies about existence I used to have time ago; this sort of thoughts Iíve only had a few times in the past when Iím insanely depressed and feeling really miserable and such, I mean, the few times Iíve been really next to the edge of losing my mind; thatís why I wonder why I had this sort of dream now. It was somehow complicated to tell, in my dream I was also deeply decaying for life and such, and I was desperate looking for something to heal my anguish, but everything I did just made me decay even more; whatever, the stunning of this dream was that I happened to meet some really young girl that seemed having the same problems like me, as if somehow she was depressed by the very exact things I was, and that she could understand me at everything I said, and yet she even looked more sad and neither was giving much hope for life, which made me feel sad about it, asking myself how the heck was it that such little creature was also feeling the same pain as me at a young age. I canít seem to remember her perfectly, she seemed younger than 9 years old and sometimes I remember her as a blonde and sometimes like if she really was brunette, I donít know, it was really strange, it was more of the idea of a young girl making me wonder even worse about really weird thoughts. It was one of those few dreams I did felt I was a fucked up reality. Even when I woke up my eyes were rolling everywhere just to make me sure I was awake. Then my mind calmed down a bit and the tragic complex thoughts of anguish philosophies went off. Itís strange, I hadnít felt like that for months.

2004-12-06 22:14:55 ET

Now that I think about it, if I were to psychoanalize myself, I'd say that that representation of the little girl in the dream is just someway of recalling my fascination for the cute tv show of those little witches. Maybe a mix of Maud, Enid, and Mildred. Aahhh, I'm such a dork.

2004-12-09 12:31:14 ET

lol, i dont know about that but i think its cool that you can remember your dreams.. i barely ever remember mine...i dont know

2004-12-09 15:10:06 ET

Yeh, I remember some dreams. Ther has been times where I do remember almost every dream, and others where I don't remember anything; I once started posting some of my dreams here because I didn't know what else to write about. I guess I'm such a dreamer.

2004-12-10 14:11:50 ET

thats good though, i wish i could remember my dreams :(

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