2005-07-18 23:26:13 ET|
I know you all don't know the story...but does this sounds bad to send to a boyfriend?
Well, as you know we just got into another argument.
I hope you didn't honestly think that bringing up your (supposed) ex
crush wasn't going to bother me? I mean come on...that's ridiculous.
And I guess I was mad because, I'm firmly convinced you've still got a
"thing" for her. Would you offer the same hospitality for Scott,
Jewels? Or even me? No...I strongly doubt it. I just don't want to see
her living with you.
And how often are you in contact with this girl?
I mean...and you totally brought down my mood. I was SO happy! And you
totally obliterated my mood, did you think bringing up Chelsea was
going to make me happy? I mean shit, I'm sorry for the girl, truly
sorry...I can't imagine having that happen to me...but you don't have
to jump all over her and be her savior!
And I mean...is it ok to make me afraid to talk to you? I feel like I
say anything against your wishes or what you want to hear...I'm going
to get the rough edge of your tongue. I mean like...I feel like if you
said "I want to have sex with _____" and I said "No." That you'd say
"Why? Are you joking?" I swear to God..I've heard "Are you joking?",
more times in the past three days than I have in my entire life time.
Anything about my feelings, positive or negative, if spoken is a crime
I am trying desperately to give you your space, let you relax, deal
with your newly developed insanity...but God! I can't suppress
everything! And that's what it seems like you're expecting me to do!
We need to be open...even if you don't like something...you should at
least listen...don't you think?
You make jokes about me "getting friendly" with Julian. But if ask you
a simple question...I get my head bitten off!
This relationship is totally one sided...it's all you!
I mean, you say I'm selfish. But do you realize how selfish you've been?
For example, you ditched me Sunday night, and instead of making it up
to me by coming out here, or even calling me, you hang out with your
Then you claim not to have gas money to see me, but you could drive to
Vancouver, then to Portland...
What's going on David?...this is not ok and I can't stand for it.
Actions speak a WHOLE LOT LOUDER than words...
Shit or get off the pot...meaning in this case, actively try to change
some shit, and COMPROMISE...maybe try to think of me...if you truly
care about me, and let's work this out...or go away...just go.
I love you to death, and yes, we fight...but in my honest opinion, you
provoke a lot of the fighting.
I've told you how much I love you! Why do you think I cried for so
long when you said you didn't want to marry me? (It wasn't just the
alcohol, and I still want to marry you...am I dumb?) I love you more
then I think you could ever fathom loving me...and I could be
wrong...but I really, I think that I am IN love with you. And to be
treated like this and see you being so upset tears me apart.
I don't want this to end, but we're not making any headway, and I
think you need to work too.
I need you to try, I need you to SHOW me you care, SHOW me that you
truly love me. Not seeing me and not talking to me and constantly
getting mad at me isn't helping your cause...I honestly don't know if
you're trying to make me break up with you...not saying that right now
I'm considering it...but you're NOT being a boyfriend!
I hate feeling like I'm fighting a pointless war. I hate feeling like
I'm the only one pulling for this and I hate feeling like I'm hated.
I love you David, I love you so much.
I hope this hasn't made you more angry I hope you don't take it with a
grain of salt either...
*sigh* I love you, and I totally poured my heart out to you.
I wish I didn't care sometimes.
Do I just care too much? I wish I had your attitude...
Anyway...you're probably fuming right now..
I love you, and please...call me when you get this.