2005-09-12 19:16:38 ET|
Eck...I have more to write.
I'm listening to "I won't make you" by Something Corporate. First of all, I can't listen to Something Corporate without sobbing, but this specific song is just a heart breaker for me.."Konstantine" does it too me too sometimes.
Something Corporate has a special place in my heart. I lost my virginity to "I won't make you." (weird, huh?). I lost my first true love to "She paints me blue". The first time I cut myself I was listening to "Konstantine".-Something Corporate and I have a history together...
I realize my life is one big melodrama...which a lot of, I create but especially the parts Idon't create, those are hard. Andrew McMahon (along with the lovely Chris Carraba) bring back so many memories.
When I was over weight, when I had stringy/curly/poofy hair or short hair and cut off bangs, when I was a regular "cutter", when I was in a painful and destructive relationship, when I dug girls...like fo' reals, when I was nearly a high school drop out...well more of a failure, when I was an abuser...I felt normal.
I feel out of place these days. Good grades, beautiful friends, healthy habits, a clean cut look, being in love, having a good home life, having an acting/singing career that's taking off...just feels odd. I feel out of place, this is all too surreal. I'm more sad now than I was when I should have been a basket case.
What in God's name is there to be upset about? I guess I'm only truly happy when I'm sad.