warning warning... meltdown.
2008-10-19 08:48:47 ET

Hello SKers! How is everyone doing today?

I'm doing alright, I'm alittle sleepy though.
So this is going to be an entry about school and home life and whatnot.

School is going pretty good. I'm kinda excited to go this week because I'm not going to be as slammed with assignments and exams like last week. So far in English I have received a 92% and a 95% on the past two essays. In public speaking, I have a 83% on a test and 88% on the speech I gave. In psychology all I know of is the 96% from the last test. and math I'm unsure of, probably a D because she wont let me make up a test like all the other instructors. Last week I had 3 exams, an English paper, and an in-class brief writing on the psychological disorder I am going my report on with cited sources. I get all of that back this week. Other than being slammed most of the time with work, it seems to be going better this semester. I have to do better though because I am on Academic Probation from failing English last semester.

Home life.... I feel like I'm 16 again. Actually, I feel 12 again. Heres the deal:
We are living with Jason's mom and dad right now, while we slowly work on the trailer, it takes money and we lack in that extra cash right now. But that will change in December when Jason starts playing with Shaywise again making anywhere from $300-$1500 a week. Jason also helps out with his dad because he is in very bad health, he has to wear adult depends, he has Alzheimer and is on oxygen. Jason has 2 sisters that don't do anything when it comes to taking care of their father, he's been sick like this for about 7 years now.. maybe even longer.(I've only been in the picture for about 2 and a half years) His sister Sherry and her 3 girls, ages 14, 12, and 7, were living here since November '07 off and on until around June and then were here permanently. So that is 7 of us and 5 dogs at the house. This house is a 3 bedroom 2 bath house. We have a bedroom, his mom and dad have a bedroom and the girls had the back bedroom and his sister always slept on the couch. I've cooked dinner almost every night for the girls, and helped them with their homework when they asked and I did EVERYONE'S laundry on many occasions... spending the whole weekend... well my weekend... Thursday through Sunday doing laundry and cleaning up because when his sister got home from work she was "too tired". Shes a toy dept. manager at walmart. I filled his moms gas tank up 3 times a month and bought a couple hundred dollars in groceries each month for everyone at this house. The girls, over the past two years have been basically taught not to have respect for Jason or me. They don't have to listen to us, can go and plunder through our bedroom when we are not home ( we are adults, 23 and 31, so we have adult stuff in our room if you know what I mean ;)),take whatever they please out of room and destroy whatever they like in our room. And we are suppose to sit around and do nothing. I'm not that kind of person, to just sit and allow anyone to walk all over me, especially children. I have kept my mouth shut, and only on a few occasions, when it was too much to bare anymore, have voiced my thoughts and feelings.
anyway, to the point of the story...
I made my first friend on my own down here at school this semester. I've been here for almost 3yrs and this is the first friend I made that I didn't meet through Jason. Anyway, we've been hanging out every weekend and she usually stays the night here since she lives in Pawleys about 30/40 minutes away. Since there was no where else to sleep and we have a huge bed she has slept in the bed with us. Its no big deal to me, I mean she sleeps on one side of me and Jason sleeps on the other. This all has been going on for about 2 months now. Well in the past 2 weeks, we are accused of having threesomes, whatever. But this has pissed Jason off, since for one his mom asked him that and 2 asked him in front of all his nieces. Jason let it go for awhile, meanwhile, I've been stressed out as fuck and have been on the verge of an emotional melt down for weeks anyway. He calms me best he can and tells me things are going to get better we only have another month and a half to go before he plays with Jay again, and then we'll be fine. Well yesterday my friend Liz was going to come over and hang out.... BTW his sister moved into her own place on Monday...so its just Jason, me and his mom&dad. While Jason and I were at his cousins wedding...Liz called and his mom took a message and whatnot. when we got home she told us and we said "yea, shes probably coming to hang out today." his mom told us that we cant not have anyone stay the night anymore. Now that there is an extra bed to sleep in, she cant stay the night. that just makes perfect sense to me (sarcasm).
I don't know why I'm writing all of this, it just bothers me. Yes we live here, and no we don't pay rent, but neither has his sister. We do put gas in the vehicles, food in peoples bellies, and help out with anything when asked. Before his sister was able to move into her trailer, during the summer when it was like 95 degrees outside, Jason, his other sisters boyfriend, and I would go up to her trailer everyday for a week for anywhere from 5-8 hrs a day painting and tearing up carpeting and old linoleum. FOR FREE.... sweating our asses off every day. Anytime any of them need help one or both of us are there to help out, whether its to drop the girls off at soccer practice, taking them to drs appointments, helping them with homework, helping one of his sisters with work on their place, moving stuff, fixing stuff, whatever...we help out.
And yet, I always feel like a big piece of shit. And get treated that way as well. Its hard to say what you feel because sherry has their mom wrapped around her finger.. and when you say, " You need to tell the girls to stay out of our room, they destroyed a drawing that I drew in high school and won a ribbon on today." she cries to his mom that we treat her and her kids like shit and then his mom gets pissed at us.
We will be out of here no later than then mid of January...and then everyone will know how much Jason and I did for them. Especially Jason, when it comes to his dad. I asked his sisters one time " What would you do if Jason was not around? Would you help your mom with your dad?" they say " No! I could never do that! Change his depends ..psh! We would probably have to hire a nurse or put him in a home because Moma couldn't handle it one her own." And the sad thing is, that if he wasn't in a perverted state of mind, grabbing my ass and boobs all the time, and asking me " You wanna fuck?" most of the time, then I would help change him when he messed himself or get him in the shower, I did with my great-grandma. This is one of the main reason we have stayed here. This fact has made Jason stay here, he feels its his responsibility. Jason was almost finished college when his dad got sick, and he picked up and came back home. He been helping his mom ever since. Since his dad got sick, Jason's sister Gina has been married and divorced, has a son my age 23 and a daughter 8, and had lived in many different houses in many different place. His sister Sherry has been married and had her own place and had 3 girls. Jason... has never got to move on with his life. I remember around this time of year 2 yrs ago Jason got a job with a construction company working on the road, he was working in Alabama... you know why he came home??... his mom told him that he didn't need to work that she needed him here and that was enough. so he picked up and came back.
They have really gotten under Jason's skin. I've never seen him this way towards his family, but he is at the point that when the trailer is done he wants to find some property miles way from here to get away from all their bullshit. See, while they are fuckin up their lives and letting shit slide through their fingers and not paying attention to their own lives, they are telling us how to live ours.

ok.. now I'm just rambling. Any thoughts or comments are welcomed.. and honesty WILL BE the best policy here.

2008-10-19 12:10:48 ET

You both have put so much into helping his family. It sounds like you are not appreciated at all and it will be interesting come January.

Hope things get better and you survive til then!

2008-10-20 13:29:20 ET

Thank you.
I can survive... its rough, but I'll manage.
I'm buying a sewing machine next week, and then all these emotions and frustrations will be put into making quilts.

I can't wait to see the chaos that will unravel here come January. I can already predict how things are going to go.

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