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2003-01-17 18:08:48 ET (directed towards someone) You know what is the matter? You want to know!? I hate the fact that I only have weekends with you and even then I have to fuckin share it with others. I have to "plann" an exact time and day I'm coming down and when and the time I'm leaving. Its depressing... Its depressing that I have to be "put into your schedule". I'm sorry I don't have a life and other shit to do on weekends. I thought it was our time, since thats the only time we see one another. But you always have "other" shit to do. Makes me feel unimportant sometimes. I'm sorry, this may sound selfish, but I feel I should come first with plans, especially weekend plans. I don't make plans, so I can spend time with you. I stopped babysitting on weekends so we could see each other more. And now I am being put off, and put in a "schedule". You go hang out with people that you see everyday and have band practice which you could have on weekdays, instead of spending time with me. And when we are together we spend hardly anytime "TOGEATHER", we are other places, and I'm ignored and affection deprived. And that affection shit is your fault! You are the one that spoiled me with it. You can't start taking it away! ..... I love you more than anything...but when you start putting me in a "schedule"..it makes me feel bad. ...The sad thing is... I can't tell you any of this...because I don't want you to get upset. And if I tried to, I'd just get choked up with the tears and then my voice box shuts off and I can't say anything.....you know this. So I'm just keeping this here........until one day..sometime...maybe soon.....my voice box won't shut off anymore and the tears won't choke me..and I will tell you this. But not now..... |
