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2004-05-15 20:05:05 ET A month in my life, blows hardcore... I've let someone into my life, ruined theirs in the process, then realized I should never have allowed myself to let them in in the first place. And now..the downward spiral of feeling like crap begins. I'm not posting this to say "hey feel sorry for me" because I don't need pity, I pity myself enough already. I know what I did, and what I allowed to be done, and I know that whatever is wrong with me, cannot be solved very easily. Something is wrong. Not many see it, not many understand it, and even fewer believe it. but it's there..and it's real...and if i could make it go away as easily as flipping a switch i would. There are almost 2 sides to me...the one who wants live a normal life ...the one who loves doing things and being around people and being active... and then there's the other side, like my evil twin or something. the side that hates nearly every aspect of my own being. the one who because of my own self esteem issues, can not love another person to the full extent that I would need to right now. Some of you may know...some of you may not, but recently I let someone in...I loved someone and allowed them to love me...but I shouldn't have. I thought I had dealt with my issues and I hadn't. And now, the issues are worse because of it...because not only did i alter my own life by allowing all of this to occur, I altered another person's life as well...I am responsible for the anquish caused to them...and beyond all else I want to say that I am sorry. |
