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2004-08-09 19:20:23 ET That I am a disappointment to people. That my life is just so blah and it's just a bore and that's why no one is around me much. I know I worry too much about stupid stuff, but I don't really think this is a "stupid" worry you know? I don't really like who I am sometimes, but I also can't do a whole lot to change it at the moment. It's hard to become a more active person when you have no money and your body doesn't let you be all that active for long periods of time. I like to go out and have fun, I guess I just get bored with it sometimes. And I can't do it all that often. I'm a college bum. I guess that's just an excuse too. I'm comfortable in my life right now and I'm going back to school soon. You just get into a rut of doing the same things over and over again you know? It's hard to change and it's hard to adjust. I try to stay as active as I can. But I've also grown accustomed to having to entertain myself at home. You can't really do much when you have no money, and as much as I like the outdoors, cause I really do, I don't in the summer. I can't stand to be hot, it irritates me and makes me cranky and I don't like that feeling. So I tend to just want to do things at night or late afternoon. Especially at school it's hard to find things to do outside other than walk or sit there at the fountain which can only be done some of teh time, cause there's some weird peopel there haha. Sitting around watching tv and movies makes me boring as hell and I know that, just don't know what to do about it. I'm going to get a job this semester hopefully, and be able to do things sometimes, but I don't want to waste what little money I will have on going out to clubs and bars or movies. I guess that makes me a tight-ass too. Ok so I'm just babbling now, just getting some thoughts out that I think about while laying here in bed at night. That's the other thing I do, sleep a lot. But anyone who saw me this weekend can attest to what happens when I don't get the sleep I'm used to getting, I become uber bitch and get all snippy with people without even meaning to. I thought it was cause of something else but it wasn't, it was my sleep. I can't stay up late and then get up early, don't work that way. Especially not when I have no reason to get up (like work or school or appointments). I guess this is just me trying to make me feel better about how much my life actually sucks haha. So yeah just ignore me for a while i'll get over whatever it is that's making me feel this way. |
