can't fix everything
2008-09-17 19:21:49 ET

A good and bad thing about my personality is that I excel in finding the missing link and becoming that to help and make things run smoother, or fix what ever problem has gotten in the way. It makes me a very helpful person. It has made me a problem solver. I also take on stress that I don't need or really shouldn't have. In the end I am left doing everything at times.
don't worry: Kelly will do it

Well.. I can't do everything and I can't make everyone's life better. I can't even keep mine from catching fire every few months. So I am going to stop feeling guilty and helpless because I have friends who have difficult lives. I don't have magic words, fool proof methods or even some of the answers.

The above is stated for my benefit.

It is very clear to me now, though, that I need a new job soon (like yesterday) or I will have a melt down.

2008-09-17 20:59:07 ET

I saw your doppelganger tonight at the open gym Juggling at the college.

It made me really miss you.

2008-09-18 01:39:48 ET

i kinda know that feeling...

2008-09-18 14:45:49 ET

Andy: I miss you too. We need to be in the same place at the same time, some time soon. What sucks is that I won't be in Tahoe for christmas.

Turbo: Do you need a new job soon too?

2008-09-18 19:45:31 ET

heh i've needed a new job for almost 2 years now d-:

2008-09-20 06:14:01 ET

I am so tired of not doing what I like to do.

2008-09-20 17:07:47 ET

heh...i stopped doing that about 2 years ago (; its tough...but i'm still moving forward and getting somewhere. i've rethought a lot about my life, god, and everything else in recent years. as george carlin once put it - "its all bullshit and its all bad for ya". its one of the reasons i still believe in god but i will never participate in any manmade church ever again and haven't for many years. god gave us a brain and a real world to live in and theres too much out there thats all fundamentalist bullshit that quite simply contradicts each other. i'd rather try to learn from life and people and what has been placed right in front of me than follow the same mindless fundamentalist group ways of thinking that the rest of society runs on, regardless of what guise it hides behind.

granted, its really tough at times.

2008-09-22 05:04:53 ET

I am working on changing things for the better. And I can't see any form of life where it isn't rough at times. The term easy living is an oxymoron.

As for the church stuff. *The following is a wordy agreeing with what turbo said*
I have seen what you've seen. Fear driven individuals who follow methods set up by people who've stated that this was the revelation God gave them. Fear that someone might figure out that we don't have all the answers. These, I agree are problems with the church. And this blind bullshit way of existence thrives among the secular by other names such as Fad-diet, and Oprah. *end*

It all says to me, that we are all looking for a way to make these 70 years of life be productive and mean something. So it's ok, that I don't have it right yet. I don't have to be content. I working toward what I want to do. I'm not a failure.

2008-09-22 13:26:14 ET

i'd rather be content to never settle, always be doing, learning, growing, experiencing, than to just be what most peoples' definition of content seems to be - which is simply lethargic - and pretend i "have it made" and have "it all figured out". what's the point of human progress if we're not participating in it? god or no god - we are HERE. ON EARTH. what we do with that seems so much more important to me right now than blindly chasing after a selfish goal of being 'holier than thou' once i'm dead like everyone else.

granted the 70 year timespan thing bugs me...i'd like to live till at least

2008-09-22 16:01:50 ET

I lean towards being immortal. 300 years would still be too short. Yet I think maybe I wouldn't act so quickly in things because I have all this time. HMMM

2008-09-22 18:27:23 ET

yeah i feel sort of jipped by the typical human lifespan...hopefully i can at least live longer on this planet than the average joe...meh...i guess we'll see d-:
now watch me get hit by a bus tomorrow. ha. i swear i try not to be cynical but the depeche mode song 'blasphemous rumors' goes through my head a lot these days.

  Return to Xaikayla's page