ceremony of false ideals
2003-02-10 17:31:05 ET

i came to the realization today that i am utterly bored with life. i have nothing to offer anyone, i take no comfort in anything but music. i walked the streets aimlessly today. i could barely summon the energy to roll out of bed. this kind of apathy used to worry me...now i know it is a part of me. an invisible enemy that is always lurking on the edge of my conciousness...waiting any opportunity to take control. i have to be very careful when i am in this state of mind. i could cause irreperable damage to my life and the lives of others. its important to be aware of the nemisis. for me, i only have to look in the mirror.

2003-02-10 17:36:26 ET

You have everything to offer, you're such an amazing person. I know it's hard not to be down on yourself though -

Look in the mirror again, I don't think you saw the truth. The truth is a lot better than you think.

2003-02-10 17:41:13 ET

i know im not a bad person...its just that i have to rid myself of this apathy. its no good for me or anyone else. i honestly dont know where it comes from...

2003-02-10 18:39:23 ET

It comes from the horror of routine - of creative stagnation - of helplessness....
All earmarks of modern, urban drudgery...

Have faith in your future - in your own ability to transcend your situation. Take a few minutes and appreciate the little stuff - the beauty of strangers faces, the pleasure of breathing and moving, the satisfaction of completing small tasks...

In the end, it won't be the BIG accomplishments or the big excitements that make your life worth living - it will be the stuff you take for granted.

Remember - it's winter too, and we're all suffering. I think that a spin of the weather wheel might give us all a new lease on life.
<3 Azrael...<3 You rock.

2003-02-10 18:45:51 ET

thanks for you advice...i am usually good at appreciating the small stuff. maybe i am on a constant up and need to feel low once in awhile just to know what up is. this is cyclical behaviour for me. i just hope i dont get into too much trouble this time...hehe

2003-02-10 19:09:14 ET

so i finally listened to one of your songs...love it!

2003-02-10 19:12:06 ET

thanks 5arah! let me know if you like any of the others...the link is in my bio

2003-02-11 12:57:28 ET

storm is right, thats what always gets to me from time to time, the horror of routine!!! i get bored an feel like shit when i dont get enough of a change every now an then.

2003-02-11 16:44:26 ET

you're right...i think i need a change

2003-02-11 16:47:51 ET

yup yup, me too, we need a vacation! lol

2003-02-11 16:55:17 ET

i say we pack our bags and head for germany

2003-02-11 16:56:51 ET

yea bro! this summer! you bring a symbiotic demo an ill bring an LC demo an we will never have to come back! haha

2003-02-11 16:58:44 ET

haha...more like you'll never have to come back and they'll deport me

2003-02-11 17:07:35 ET


2003-02-11 20:29:17 ET


2003-02-12 10:12:00 ET

I'm going with you.

2003-02-12 11:15:35 ET

yay! lol

2003-02-12 11:43:40 ET

the more the merrier

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