2010-06-03 18:10:18 ET

He's been all sad panda this week realizing everything he didn't do right in the course of their relationship.

I finally got the complete story from both parties - so at least I'm not a home wrecker. They split up in January, then tried to work at it again in February, split up again and so forth. She came over and caused a fuss, I actually felt bad for him as she stood in the door insulting him in front of me - she stood there sexually degrading him, telling him how worthless he is, etc. I also felt bad for her because while she was being a total bitch I saw she was hurting too.

Those who know me know I would've been just as quick to defend her if he started pushing lines of civility. But he didn't. All he said over the course of the tirade was, "Do we really have to fight?"

I've talked to him about it a few times, if his sorrow is regret I will leave him with good wishes to mend their relationship but he assures me his sorrow is mourning - he has accepted it doesn't work and is genuinely happy with me yet needs to mourn the death of that relationship.

Guys, chime in here - does this sound rational?

2010-06-03 18:35:54 ET

How long had they been dating before they split?

2010-06-03 20:32:45 ET

It sounds like he had a hefty relationship with her and it's going to take more than a few weeks to flush the toxins of that relationship and all the while he'll be wondering "What if.." and hurting but also really delving into his relationship with you to fully appreciate you and rid himself of the pain of his last relationship. It's risky bizzy.

Ultimately it boils down to how much you like him and how worth enduring all of this shit is worth. If you have doubts, it's unlikely the relationship will survive. I believe he's genuine in what he means and yet, big break-ups are so messy and it's so soon that it'll take a good while for him to feel secure in himself and in the relationship you guys are cultivating and I honestly doubt it's worth your while to stick around while that happens and deal with all the drama (she showed up at his house?!)

/not a dude, just speaking from relevant experience on both sides of the fence

2010-06-03 21:53:56 ET

They dated on and off for 3 years and have been married 2 years.

2010-06-04 00:46:31 ET

Ugh. That sounds like a mess. Sorry to be off topic... but why do almost all girls diss on sex skills to degrade guys after a break up? It's a pretty low blow for one, and if the relationship lasted a long time then it obviously wasn't THAT bad. I might be bitter for personal reasons...but it irks me to hear that girls do that shit all the time everywhere.

2010-06-04 02:15:21 ET

Okay, yeah. His feelings for her arent just going to go away.

2010-06-04 03:07:44 ET

the way you described how you two ended up together I would say you were a sight for sore eyes... he appreciates you... you validate him in some way... (I don't know my guess is he loves riding, his ex gave him hell for it, you came in and validated him)... and if my theory is correct his ex has him quite toasted... literally think of him as a pancake that his ex is intentionally trying to burn up... thats why he is sad... I don't think its regret or mourning I think his wife still has the ability to bust his chops up pretty bad...

I mean you describe him as happy until the bitch comes over to pay a visit... I say his happiness invalidate her, she probably needs to protect herself... if a man doesn't come over to re-validate her what is she gonna do?

2010-06-04 03:24:37 ET

I think his ex is doing what this woman is doing
but you think she can keep her cool, I don't think so, all that is gonna come out of her mouth is drama... cause it hurts and that will trigger retaliation...

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