2005-09-27 06:49:38 ET

i've found a friend that's willing to stick around with me, not because she likes me or anything, but because her eyes ignited when I told her I went to a club last week. It turns out that she's some kind of a party girl who's pretty desperate because none of our classmates seems to be people who ¡§go out¡¨, as she puts it. I'm way far from a party girl, I go to clubs to listen to music, not to drink, and I despise her choice of living. She does not stop in blabbing about the ¡§good times¡¨ she had with her friends. I understand what she's trying to say, every little joke seems to be very funny when you're with really close friends, but when you tell it to someone who wasn't there, it usually doesn't turn out very good, because what makes the joke funny is the atmosphere, not the joke itself. And what's really annoying is that she actually tries to educate me, telling me her concepts of life. She thinks her perspectives are very unique, but sadly it's just a bunch of stale ideas people use to fascinate others, just like glam rock or nu metal or any other short-living music style that tries to attract audience's attention by playing music different from others, and hers isn't even new anymore, its like showing off a Linkinpark or Blink182 CD saying: I'm listening to this, you might not like it, cause it's SO intense.

Still, it's still pretty nice to have someone to eat lunch with for a change. I no longer have to go back to my apartment to eat lunch anymore. And school days seem more bearable when you have a person to stick around with, even if you don¡¦t really hit off.

It's pretty ironic when I look at my college life; at elementary school, knowing no social skills, I was at the very bottom of our little society. I was the ¡§temporary shelter¡¨ for new kids, new kids stick with me because being friendless and bored I often treat them very nicely, but after they find out my ¡§rank¡¨, as soon as any other group seem open to them, they ¡§transfer¡¨. I don't blame them, cause staying with me will get them nowhere, and they know they can do better. But when I came to high school everything changed, I learnt lots of social skills and had a lot of friends, friends I really liked. I thought my life would be like that forever, but look where I am now, back in elementary school, start from scratch. This situation drives me into an urge of buying very aggressive clothes, it's not like I wasn't in to them before, but now I need them more, because to me clothes are like armor. When you dress harmless and speak harmless but end up friendless, you really feel like a loser, but when you dress edgy and aggressive, you feel protected and safe, you feel related to those dark characters in those YA films, with Marylin Manson background music.
All in all I¡¦m a pathetic loser and a stuck up bitch, I suppose I could rely on our school clubs, or simply wait till time marrows me up, but I won't count on it.

2005-09-27 07:08:00 ET

very interesting.
i have social anxiety.. not full blown but i get panic attacks.
i'm guessing you're new, so welcome to SK : )

2005-09-27 07:24:38 ET

though i am not new, i was under the id "drowning dollie" for one or two years, stupid name so i deleted it.

2005-09-27 07:38:39 ET

ahh i see.
nice to meet you.

2005-09-27 09:19:53 ET

Yeah life sucks, and then you die.
But, is it so bad, like, can't a person just learn to deal with it?


2005-09-27 15:50:39 ET

Welcome back ? :)

2005-09-28 15:46:31 ET

WElcome (back?) hehe welcome at any rate

2005-09-29 12:04:12 ET

Hello. Welcome back, Nice to meet you

2005-09-29 19:55:39 ET

lol its nice to be here again, thanks :D
hardskapunk: i believe everyone's trying to deal with it, or else we'd all be dead, it's just the difference between how positive or how negative your dealing methods:)

2005-09-30 08:25:21 ET

Trying to is not the same as learnt...
So what, we'll spend our whole lifetime with that same issue?
The only way out is either die, or stop thinking how shitty life is, but life IS shit, so? Suicide is not an option, i think theres nothing afterwards---
Unless you are some kind of psychoanalyst, i think you dont choose the way you face life...

2005-10-02 07:04:38 ET

hmmmmm.. that is a very philosophical comment...
sorry about my poor english, but i don't really understand @_@
but if your point is life is shitty so stop thinking about it then i get it.
you must understand that journals are one method to help people forget (at least thats my method), so i have a shitty day, i go home and cry and wine about it in my diary, and then i stop thinking how crappy life is. it works quite well for me:)

2005-10-09 11:10:58 ET

At least you don't take it out on the carbon based life forms in your immediate vicinity. That's the first step towards full recovery.

Your glasses rule.

2005-10-09 22:34:47 ET

lol yeah i guess so, i'm definitely recovering cause after all my classmates are tired with each other they're finally beginning to notice me.
thanks about the glasses:)

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