three days crammed in one
2005-12-12 06:55:03 ET

i overslept and was extremely late for work the day before. i am an english tutor -- was. i got a phone call that night saying that i was fired and that my paycheck will be sent into my account. woopee. it didn't really matter, the kid lived very faraway and it took me alot of time to get to his place, plus the bus fare already cut a half of my minimal wages; it's a relief that i no longer have to go there. what hurt me is that the reason i was fired was not because i was late but because the kid didn't like my teaching methods.... i thought we had a great time.... ::sigh::.....
i asked for light from a boy in class and he told me to quit smoking cause boys don't like girls who smoke. i laughed at this and said it didn't matter since no boy will want me one way or another.
it hit me that i was a total failure -- i couldn't keep my job, i couldn't keep up with my school work, and the fact that i'll probably remain loveless forever.....i was entirely fucked. i chain smoked and cried over jem's song, even though the lyrics had nothing to do with my situation (i'm sorry, so sorry, i'm sorry it's like this).

yesterday we had a gig (80th anniversary of our college and we were lucky enough to perform) and even though our tempo were a bit messed up -- we were pretty nervous, i thought we had enough applause. me and joe verified our friendship yet again and me and joe, treesheep, honey and a couple of other joe's friends went merrily to ximending and reminisced the old times. it was like the doldrums were finally clearing out and the sun was finally shining through; i felt like things were finally going to improve, but then my guitar teacher smalltea seemed pretty pissed at me because the cable and effect he lent me were damp (the stage was stark wet becuase of the rain). because my friends were waiting so i didn't help him dry the stuff up which come to think of it was pretty rude... he always makes me feel rude. i apologiesed to him on the msn, but he wasn't there.

today is a holiday and me and my roommate jane slept till 2pm. later we went to the night market and i stocked up on some winter clothes -- cold wave next week (which means possible of snow on the high mountains of our tropical country -- some people freeze to death under the highways bridges and some people rush to the mountains and run around naked... it's crazy). we also bought some indian incenses and the smell was really intoxicating.
i'm going to have a fresh start. i'm going to concentrate on school and drag my ass to classes to PE and other early, meaningless classes that are inviting to skip.

2005-12-20 08:36:23 ET

he's right, smoking don't help.

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