organize yourself..
2005-12-21 06:36:25 ET

i think moving out for college has made a great impact on me. at first when i moved out there was no one to boss me around so i indulged myself in all kinds of entertainment and rarely kept track of time. before that i was merely a child with her bedtime strictly set at 12~1am. after i found out that i was regulary going to bed at 2~3am i started to get up late - i spent it all and wasn't willing to pay - class skipping became a hobby of mine and i couldn't control it. i didn't cared either - what's there for me? so many classmates that i didn't cared to see, so many useless courses i didn't care to take. after that things began to look real bad - piles of homework stacked with a thin layer of dust, teachers informing me that i am at the verge of failing, my bedtime delayed from 2 to 4 and i got up regulary at 2pm. i acted like i didn't care but actually i was scared shitless, i didn't have the guts to turn up at specific classes, fearing the teacher would say "what are you doing here? you've already failed. come again next year", i couldn't do the homework, fearing that i'd discover more and more loads that i missed. an ostriche i was, fucked and doomed. alas i started to face the music these days, i asked the teachers if i was flunked and started to turn up in horrendously early classes. i got up early, i bought breakfast at the cafeteria, i loved it - the feeling of gaining control again in my life. a quick smoke here, a coffee there, and i'm able to slide through the lonely hours in ease. i also set my clock back to 2am, after bedtime at 4am, 2am seems shockingly early and i feel no pity on myself if i get up at 7am. after this fiasco even though my grades look and smell real bad, i feel that my sense of responsibility has raised and i actually started to organize myself, which is a stunning miracle. i just hope that this little discipline will stick.

2005-12-27 09:00:06 ET

It's a whole different ball game when the teachers don't even care if you show up.

Live in those books. LIVE IN THEM!

2006-01-14 09:51:27 ET

but that's when reality steps in: what if there's a class that consists of making ugly wedding cards from WORD? and what if that class is unfortunatley "required"? that's when we have to bite our lower lip and get up at seven o clock to make our stupid cards.
of course i wont mind living in books that i consider useful, but some classes can be such a waste of time you just have to attend it based on the sense of "responsibility" :P

  Return to blackbells's page