|
2005-12-21 06:36:25 ET i think moving out for college has made a great impact on me. at first when i moved out there was no one to boss me around so i indulged myself in all kinds of entertainment and rarely kept track of time. before that i was merely a child with her bedtime strictly set at 12~1am. after i found out that i was regulary going to bed at 2~3am i started to get up late - i spent it all and wasn't willing to pay - class skipping became a hobby of mine and i couldn't control it. i didn't cared either - what's there for me? so many classmates that i didn't cared to see, so many useless courses i didn't care to take. after that things began to look real bad - piles of homework stacked with a thin layer of dust, teachers informing me that i am at the verge of failing, my bedtime delayed from 2 to 4 and i got up regulary at 2pm. i acted like i didn't care but actually i was scared shitless, i didn't have the guts to turn up at specific classes, fearing the teacher would say "what are you doing here? you've already failed. come again next year", i couldn't do the homework, fearing that i'd discover more and more loads that i missed. an ostriche i was, fucked and doomed. alas i started to face the music these days, i asked the teachers if i was flunked and started to turn up in horrendously early classes. i got up early, i bought breakfast at the cafeteria, i loved it - the feeling of gaining control again in my life. a quick smoke here, a coffee there, and i'm able to slide through the lonely hours in ease. i also set my clock back to 2am, after bedtime at 4am, 2am seems shockingly early and i feel no pity on myself if i get up at 7am. after this fiasco even though my grades look and smell real bad, i feel that my sense of responsibility has raised and i actually started to organize myself, which is a stunning miracle. i just hope that this little discipline will stick. |
