ways i used to feel...
2004-11-26 12:44:07 ET

painful stares with hurtful glares
are unconsciously killing me
words keep stabbing me
why wont they leave me be
they have no right but i cant fight
frozen with fright
then i lose sight
but what can you do when you doubt youself?

i am worthless, undeserving of blessings
all i am good for is an emotional punching bag
i am nothing but worthless trash
everyone knows it
all i do is screw up
i fuck everything up
whatever it is, its my fault
if its bad its my fault
i was born to suffer
and cause suffering
i dont want to be her anymore
theyd all be happy

the truth of the matter is that nobody is happy when someone dies, unless they are sick and cruel people. i know sometimes people feel like shit but if you feel like shit for along time there could be a serious problem with your dopamine, and your nervous system... in other words you could have depression, or manic depression, or you could just have anxiety problems... the fact of the matter is everyone deserves to be happy, and no one person can ruin everything or even everything they come in contact with.

2004-11-26 12:47:38 ET

I know how that feels.....

2004-11-26 12:53:17 ET

thats why i put it up, im ganna add another in a little bit

2004-11-26 17:48:45 ET

uhm... i'm usually not sad when someone dies till a few weeks later... but i never get real real sad... but i don't think i'm cruel O_o

2004-11-27 14:22:38 ET

hhhmmm.... well you get sad and thats normal i cant say much else because im not a doctor or nothing

2004-11-27 15:08:04 ET

i did get a lil' sad, a week after my poppa died... but i think that was mostly because everyone around me was just sobbin'... it was hard for me not 2...

2004-11-27 15:13:17 ET

aaawww, im sorry

2004-11-27 16:29:10 ET

oh it's all cool... i don't really look at death as a bad thing

2004-11-27 19:36:21 ET

I didn't know about that dopamine thing... well, this last week I've been awfully more depressed than ever... but well, uhm, maybe, it'll pass...

2004-11-28 12:03:09 ET

maybe it will but you shouldnt rely on maybe

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