this is my biography for those that havent read it

crystaltears 2004-11-30 12:42:06 ET I've had alot of shit happen to me in my life. as a result im a very fucked up person. Highlights of my story~ Mom lives in florida, sister lives in colorado, My so called father is unwanted, and i dont have a clue where he is anyway so doesnt make a diff there. Ive lived with my mothers sister since i was 3. Her husband and children were "my family" to everyone else. My aunt never noticed anything was wrong with me. (i have almost everykind of depression there is, plus i was suicidal and homicidal, Ive pierce my arms, hands, brows, naval, and ears. Right now everything is healed up except my ear lobes and my naval) I tried to kill myself 3 times, first time was when i was 11. Which was around the time I was being molested. (molestation lasted a year at the most) Anybody has any advice for me im all ears. but please no violent suggestions of revenge or anything because im past that stage and ild rather not go back. But anyway my aunt is so niave that i actually showed her deep cuts on my arms and PAIN and HATE carved into my legs. She said i wanted attention, and dismissed it as nothing... I hated her for not realizing something was wrong for the longest time. If i hadnt of showed her all the cuts she would have never known, even til this day. Shes come around though and is alot more observant now. Im better but im not great.

Malkavian 2004-12-01 04:08:56 ET I did read your biography before. I'm sorry you've had bad stuff, I know I might not be a complete support for you for being a stranger, but I'm here to listen if you need to be listened (really, I'm more open to listen to other people than to myself).

crystaltears 2004-12-01 07:37:40 ET thank you, i appriciate that you care. and your not a stranger, i know you through your art. :)

innerbeauty 2004-12-01 09:42:15 ET I read it before. :)

crystaltears 2004-12-01 11:38:12 ET thanks Megs!

roots radical 2004-12-02 14:21:49 ET wow that's some harsh shit... I'm sorry to hear that. if you want, I like listening and trying to help. and on an unrelated note, where in CO does your sister live?

crystaltears 2004-12-02 14:37:58 ET im alright now but i was really fucked up because i kept it a secret for so long... from myself too.. thats where the schitz started taking real effect or i just never grew out of my childish imagination.. more likely its the schitz though because i thought they were really there... everything just gets worse and it affects you more if you keep it hidden, or ignore it. and i had to learn that in order to grow out of my hell. and yes life was absolute hell. after i faced everything all the cutting stopped and i became more obediant and less obsessive over the little things. but then again im on so much meds that im bond to be high in about 30 minutes because i took my seroquel about 5 minutes ago, thats so good shit though. its a mood-stabalizer.. lol yeah right. it cut out the voices that i was trying to cut out by cutting, it left me lonely for the first month or two but it lets me sleep. the voices used to keep me a wake for hours just arguing with me about what i should have done and what i didnt do, and blah blah blah. brrr its cold in here. anyway my sister lives near denver. im not really sure where anymore she moved since the last time i talked with her and her foster family (her father's mom) doesnt encourage her to keep in touch so we drift apart. sad but true and im dealing with that too. it doesnt bother me that much but it makes me happy when she calls and tells me everythig thats been going on with her i love her so much. and i miss her but theres nothing i think ill call her tomorrow. wow this bothers me more than i thought. i guess ill do an entry totally dedicated to her. thats exactly what i need to do. thank you :)

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