2005-11-17 15:52:40 ET|
it has been two years and about eight months since i've last written an entry here.
so much has elapsed.
moved out of nyc temporarily, lived in DC metro area, did a year of architecture school in baltimore, worked my ass off and killed it, got my heart broken (or what i thought was heartbreak at the time) spent some time in london and berlin, got up to NYC doing my thing legit on a full ride, spent years looking forward to being back home with my best friend, thinking everything would be the same... but it wasn't...
as you probably all already know, my best friend Chris / Doktor242 died in his sleep November 4th. It's been more than two weeks since the last time I saw him but I have not forgotten a single detail of him as I feared I would. I can even hear his voice in my dreams, perfectly. I loved this man more than I have ever loved any other human being. As close as we were (as close as two human beings could get), I am still surprised at stories that I hear about him... I've gotten to hear plenty in the past few weeks and they still all seem so precious to me. Chris still to this day surprises me.
Chris and I met at work at a bank. We were both doing new accounts and customer service in nyc, blocks from one another. meeting him in real life added a special bond... we didnt have to hunt each other online... (even though as it happens i'd been estalking his screen name for about 6 months before i happened to meet him)... oddly enough we hardly ever frequented clubs together... we preferred 'real time' interaction... we called how we met the 'creation myth' because there were so many weird circumstances surrounding it that it had to be fiction. sometimes i think the story of us and the elevated position we each held in each other's lives (most important human... EVER) obfuscated the reality of our humanity, and caused us to have unattainable expectations. we even shared many of the same flaws (not to mention clothes, obscure music, conversational styles and speech patterns... etc). we always marveled at how it never 'went away' even when i spent time on the other side of the country or the world. we were still one...
and yet we must not have been, or i would have seen this coming, perhaps? i'll never know.
and it's just ironic that my last entry here goes on a tirade about 'soul mates'... it seemed like right then i was fighting it so hard... it seems to read 'i'm young and i have the world at my feet.. why the f$#k should i give it to someone else?'
i read my previous entries here and am stricken with how haphazard (read:happy) i was. how childish.
i distribute online expression differently these days.
That's the real stuff but it's no party over there right now, i'm warning you.
thats for idiot networking
that's my work... not recently updated...
most stuff on here will probably be a light hearted attempt at joining the land of the living...
on that note:
Recently came up with the best expression EVER:
X: Lorraine, do you want to go out with me before club saturday
ME: [heavy sigh]... It's just.. I dont know.. Since.. you know.. I just don't feel like going anywhere.
X: Dammit.. you know sometimes I feel like Chris is cockblocking me from the grave!!!
Well.. it's good to know my best friend is still doing his job...
Beleive me, to the victims of post mortem cockblocking... it's a very real phenomena!!! >:]
so.. who's out there?