when i grow up
2003-01-16 20:21:43 ET

after three years of fighting it
and a lot of lateral drifts
i have made up my mind.

i want to build something beautiful.
i am willing to work towards it.


meet my dad.

his name is Richard. he is a Structural Engineer. See that thing behind him? He made that. He also made me :) not bad, huh?

my grandfather is an architect, his dad a structural engineer, his dad an architect.
the first three are MIT graduates.

everything you see around you, all the buildings, roads, everything... started off on a piece of paper (weird, huh?) and before that, in someone's head.

this time its going to be mine.

this week i lost something. but i also got something else: sometimes life is an inexplicable trade-off.

now i know what i want. now i know where i want to be. and i know what i have to do to get there.

it's not going to be easy. i am terrible at mathematics. its like a dyslexic kid deciding that he loves literature and wants to be an editor. God's big Joke: i want to rebel; i want to be different. but so many great stories are about coming full circle; and how you can't really know what the place you came from is like unless you undergo trial.

i could have done this years ago. but i have learned so much, about life, about people. i can't see the past 3 years as a waste; i simply can't.

i haven't told my dad. i don't know how. but sooner or later i'll have to.

he's the only one who can help me with my homework.


2003-01-16 20:44:24 ET

good for you

2003-01-16 22:32:50 ET

I love you, Raine. You're gonna do fine.

This is the huge step i mentioned in my journal, btw, kids.

2003-01-17 00:59:20 ET

That's beautiful... really. I know what it's like to see such inspiration in a parent. I congratulate you, and wish you success... ::hugz ya then slugz ya in the arm cuz I'm not a sappy bitch, really::

By the way, I'm Dyslexic, btu I can type fine sa long sa I'm concnetraitng.
-The Joker

2003-01-17 02:45:16 ET

math irritates the fuck out of me, just doing the profits/expenses for my office is enough to make me stab someone and thats just + - * / ...

plan = brooklyn college/some CUNY school (1-2years undergrad)
NYU 2 yrs remainingundergrad
if all goes well
grad from MIT.

i want to go into business with my dad. its the next logical step, really. all my life i've been building castles in the sky and he tells me why they're illogical and unstable. this time it will be his job =)

2003-01-17 03:13:21 ET

i wish you the best of luck dear: =)

2003-01-17 03:50:49 ET

>God's big Joke: i want to rebel; i want to be different.

Sometimes when you give in and let yourself be one of the many, you can find more fulfilling ways of being different that never even occurred to you.

Different is a mindset, and if you have it, it never leaves, no matter what you look like and what you do.

2003-01-17 04:36:17 ET

Such words of truth, Insomnia...
Sooner or later, all of us who have embraced alternative lifestyles are faced with the sadistic choice: Wed ourselves in some way to the world we've rejected, or continue to be thwarted in our paths towards completion.
True independant thinking has nothing to do with the accoutrements of your life. The trappings of a subculture are merely symptomatic of that fresher view.
Your desire to keep your brain on the outside track is what is going to give you your edge; genius is often merely the ability to see things in a different light.
I also believe that your craft is like a hungry god - if you sacrifice to it, it WILL bless you.

Rock on baby - this choice makes so much sense.
BTW - my grandfather was an architect in Chicago all his life. I can ask him if he can pull some strings. :)

2003-01-17 06:06:27 ET

Congrats Raine. Like I said out of the bad comes the good and this is going to be fucking great for you.

2003-01-17 10:09:08 ET

good for you! i hope you are able to make your dream a reality.

2003-01-17 10:28:43 ET

so wait... you want to be an architekt?

2003-01-17 10:47:25 ET

this whole post is very moving {minor tear}

2003-01-17 16:55:24 ET

Do it

2003-01-17 18:04:57 ET

DC- yeah, i guess i'm full of surprises, huh?

i told eric today. i was kind of scared of telling him- he's always called me out on anything that wasn't gonna last. but he didn't sound surprised at all.

'youve been talking abou this for five years.'

so i have... hmm...

man, i can't wait to stay up all night pretending to work while actually shooting ppl in Quake3Tourney. Just like my dad. (vague recollections of falling asleep to the sounds of Doom demons getting their asses handed to them back when my room was connected to my dads office)

im really scared that this is impulsive, or a phase.. i didnt want to say anything for a long time.. months... because i didnt want to jinx it or look like an ass in front of my friends if i couldn't pull it off. but fuck it. if i'm serious then the cat comes out of the bag, the stakes get higher, and i prove myself. i can't get financial help from my dad/grandpa.. they don't believe in me anymore... thats just as well i guess; when i do this i wont have these fucked up complexes that they have about being forced to do it by their parents.. because it was what i chose...


2003-01-17 18:09:40 ET

Hey Raine, Bio is studying for the SAT - I know you need a study partner!! What better way to get work done than to quiz yourself on vocab with Fidel Castro?

2003-01-17 18:20:35 ET

he is too? oh man i cant study with him
he's too smart; he'll make me feel like an idiot. feh

actually i had a certain study buddy for the Life/Health insurance exams (<3brian<3) seriously studying with someone really helps.. i'll pm him, thanks insom

2003-01-17 19:04:18 ET

"richard --oh, can icall you dick?" -bender, the breakfast club

2003-01-17 19:06:42 ET

and i did. many times.

DICK: this building will NOT work, Raine. just more of your castles in the sky.

RAINE: go to hell, dick.

i can't wait...

2003-01-17 22:58:06 ET

i hire you to build my futuristic utopian city, ok? :-)

2003-01-18 02:40:25 ET

you got it but you have some competition

dok already asked me this favor

hey i DO have simcity 2000.. maybe i can just build it and then send you the file =p

2003-01-18 09:50:48 ET

industrial caste system

2003-01-18 12:40:11 ET

sim city 2000...hmmm...do they have cog-shaped buildings in that one? ;-P

2003-01-18 12:45:21 ET

Hahaha... my tiniest brother Daniel is obsessed with SimCity...
Infrastructural Mayhem....

2003-01-18 12:47:52 ET

i just hate putting up the water and electrical systems...feh! i am Sim-Dumb...no good at those games really unless i use the $$$ cheats.

2003-01-18 22:54:18 ET

ohhhh man those are the best
i still remember the doom cheats (and i'm drunkasfuckafterclubrightnow)
idkfa=infinite ammo
iddqd= god mode
idspispopd=walk thru walls

2008-07-09 04:49:11 ET


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