2013-02-27 12:31:49 ET|
how many "wow, i'm back!" posts will i make before i actually commit to posting regularly again? maybe this will be "the one."
it's weird to come back here and see how much i've changed, both aesthetically and on a personal level. here's another update of the person i've become:
^me, sans 40 lbs. and a better eye for style
i guess the reason i'm back is because i was thinking in school today about what a good day i was having. i wanted to express how happy i am, and i'm much more articulate in written form than i am verbally. so anyway, my day did turn out really well. i woke up on time, got all my crap together and was still early for class, went to the gym and showered, ate a healthy lunch that i packed and brought instead of either starving or buying something, made it to my next class and kicked ass in my microbiology lab. all of these little, generally insignificant things added up to me being in a great mood and feeling really accomplished. then it made me think about how depressed i used to be all the time and how i'm not that way anymore. what brought on the change? perhaps it could simply be attributed to the fact that i'm an "adult" now, and i've moved past self-indulgence and pity parties. maybe it's just the fact that i'm finally living life and making friends. i guess i'm not really sure. at the end of the day all i really know is that i'm happy and i'm finally reaching out for good things, rather than just waiting & hoping that they'll come to me on their own.
i've made a some new really good friends in the last couple of years, since my last major post here. i've also lost a couple, which hurts, but i am resolved to not let it bother me anymore. there is only so much you can do help people who do not want to be helped before the only thing to do is throw in the towel. i hope that some day we will be friends again, though it saddens me to know that it will never be in the same capacity it once was. the whole ordeal has definitely been a learning experience, though. in one way it has taught me to stand up for myself and not accept anything less than what i know i deserve. it has also forced me to be somewhat introspective- after all, how can i condemn someone for behaviors that i too am guilty of? like i said, maybe someday our relationship can be repaired. i truly hope it does. only time will tell.
anyway. yeah. it feels good to write my feelings down somewhere where only i and a bunch of random internet people get to read them. haha. but, sometimes feedback from strangers is even more beneficial than feedback from friends or family. or even no feedback at all. sometimes just knowing that what i say has been heard (or read) in some capacity, whether it makes a difference to anyone at all, is comforting to me.