Encounter    2005-06-04 15:22:50 ET

I have decided that i very odd....or just very outspoken but i dont know how to act in some situations and it really bothers me while growing up here you meet people and someone is down here that i know someone i havent seen in years i had noticed her before but wasnt sure untill today i was wondering when would be the best time to talk to her so i was standing on the beach looking out into it and amazed at how this beach has changed there use to be Huge sand dunes with sea grass and snow crabs on them but after the hurricanes they are all gone there are no more sugar white sand dunes but as i stood there i noticed that she was looking to the ocean from the fince i hesitated to talk to her but i got the courage i lost all of the fear there was keeping me from saying one word to her she was looking the opposite direction of me i went up and stood next to her my heart was racing "how are you Elizibeth" she turned "Im fine, how are you Brent" we talked of the years that were missed and the people we had met over the years and wondered where they were but the conversation ended she was being bitten by bugs she walked away and i stood there i stared at the ocean and came back to the room i went to the back deck and looked out she had gone back maybe it was all an act i never understand why people i know act so weirdly around me maybe i just notice everything maybe im crazy i need a smoke...... *puff* 3 comments

holding a light    2005-06-03 16:57:18 ET

walking to nothingness looking back and knowing all is fine crawling foreward and seeing dispare but knowing its fine feeling all to feel crying every tear hugging the blind cold sheets barring the doors for fear of the outside holding a light to keep them away roaring the lines of the inner mind holding the past in the arms to never forget what was done remembering to love the ones to be loved walking in sand running through grass standing in the sun playing in the snow a winters love is born burping after a beer the rush after a shot theh feeling of a kiss a firm handshake laughing with frineds being drunk the hatred of many things and the love of many more are all things i feel when i become alone im afraid to express how i feel to anyone but you go and let them know how i feel under the sheets i am alone and feeling everything it is becoming harder to be alone but i havent truly found it yet the times are past the schooling is done im out now gone from there rarely to return free from the shit the pillows arent enough to fill the needs there are but what is nothing that i know nothing that ive had perhaps its the inner self the place im from the feelings there are the people i have known the ones i am yet to know who will it be the one to hold back and be warm the state of level is on me now and i dont know how to take it i almost dont like it i like having feelings but they are dying i need to go i need to do it i need to escape but from what i may never know the music is helping the music is there for me these are all thoughts in my brain thoughts that kill me but i love to much the music helps the music is there always

Laughing on the inside    2005-06-03 05:33:29 ET

well well well yet another FUCKING cloudy day there is no reason to go out the pool is cold the ocean is cold you know this is my basic luck and that is fine beacuse i have been sitting here downloading music from iTunes and im discovering new things I have downloaded 2 cds from Animal Collective you guys should check them out very indie i saw them live a few months back very great live so here i am inside on day 3 of this "Holiday" shit Some one. 6 comments

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