the black sheep.......    2005-07-03 11:13:19 ET
Im so tired of being the one who gets shit my family u have to be perfect...and im sorry im not fucking perfect. My aunt and grandmother expect me to bend over fucking backwards for all this shit, and i do....but i get fucked over in the end. My aunt and uncle expect me to be fucking perfect....and again im not. my uncle HATES my fucking tattoos and piercings and everything else i do. im fucking 18 its my body ill fucking do as i PLEASE! i have a car....cant drive it...ive been paying for it for a year now....still cant drive it...i have a licence but since the insurance is in my fucking aunts name, i cant do shit so im like fuck her...sell tha goddamn thing i dont care. My grandmother is a bitch who this every thing i do is a mistake, and im tired of this shit, i always do wrong or im always in the wrong, i always get yelled at, and my cousins are up here from fredricksburg, and edward and chris are perfect...thet can NEVER do wrong. or whatever...i always end up taking the blame 4 everything, my mom wants me 2 come pick sumthing up that she got for me, and my grandmother wont let me go c my mother and go get what she got for me. im pissed!

I always have to do something I dont want to do, but im old enough to take the responsibility, and do it, and thats fine but when i get nothing not even a simple thank u, or whatever it makes me so goddamn mad i could fucking scream.. they wonder why im always so moody and bitchy and just pissed off all the time. Im not happy here and im always depressed and i hate it. I cant have my black friends come over becuase my grandmother hates black ppl, and IM SORRY thats a fucking BULL SHIT FUCKING REASON! my grandmother is very very ignorant. I ask her for 10 bucks, and i get nothing, i have no money except for the tips i make at beauty school, cant buy lunch, cant buy smokes, cant get my nails done, i cant really do anything i feel asif im in a prison and i cant escape. and it fucking sucks so much ass. this is thre only place i can come to and vent. my BEST friend is scared to come over here becuase shes afraid that my family is gonna say something rude to her, and i dont fucking blame her. i really dont, all my friends HAVE TO HAVE TO speak to my aunt and grandmother, and I REALLY DONT FEEL THAT THEY HAVE TO FUCKING DO ANYTHING! they are my friends, they dont have 2 say shit. When i lived at my moms, my friends didnt say ne thing and my mom didnt care...who came in and out, who stayed tha night, if we partyed, or drank or anything my mom was kool as shit.... and if i move out of here i cant take anything with me, not even the shit I BROUGHT WITH ME! OMMFG!!!!!!!!

Im really tired of haveing to prove my self to these ass holes who all they do is judge me, talk about me, talk about my friends, my mom, every body who means something to me. i hate it....Like last best friend passed away in a bad car accident, my grandmother woke me up thay day and said charles has dided in an accident..i busted out in to tears... a few hours later she said to me.." why are you still really cant be THAT upset now can you?" OMMFG BITCH! he was one of my BEST friends, hes dead, i cant bring him back...he lived right up the street from me 3 house's away.we grew up how can u be so cold hearted to say something so hurtful...i mean come on now? WTF? im so very unhappy...and it shows....i just cant do anything about it...and it sucks..god sometimes i wish i could run away and make all my troubles go away...just run far far away and just start over....

Thank you so much...i really needed to vent...

 so ok how long has it been?.......    2005-06-24 17:40:12 ET
Right so i havent been on to much, but most people can understand that work happends. and it sucks so much. i hate beauty school so much now. like i really do. It used to be fun, making between 10 to 30 bucks a day. But now it has lost all its meaning. same old shit every day, cut hair, roller sets, color, high lights and i swear to god, if i have to do another fucking perm im gonna scream! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! but i have like 2 1/2 months left. THANK GOD! its just idk....this isnt what i really wanted to do with my life, Actually i wanted to go to school to be a funural director, mortition...whatever......idk ill have to find something to fall back on..

On a lighter note.....theres this guy....hes my boo bear...hes, very funny, always makes me laugh.....and im sick now and hes made laugh. idk he mean there is just something about him, idk what it is. he has great morals to him self. and yeah.hes just awesome! i miss him! miss u boo bear! xoxoxox

Thank you so much....

 it hurts sooooooo bad.....    2005-05-31 18:08:42 ET
so ok i feel like im high as shit......but im not....and tha sad thing is it allllllllllllllll in tha air.....these mexican dudes are fixing our pool, and they used sum kinds chemical and it kinda smells like if u were 2 sleep in a nailshop for like a month.........and u were never allowed 2 heads spinning.....and it sucks........but im goin 2 bed.....good night

thank u so much...*yawns* and if anything isnt spelled right.......right now.....i could give 2 shits less..........

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