the sons of bitches... the soil is rancid.
2003-12-13 14:54:27 ET

its 2:30 AM and i'm unlocking my front door. downstairs in my room skinny puppy's "worlock" is playing on my endless playlist loop, and upstairs by my computer my hamsters, kobi and ricky are running on their little wheel totaly synchronized with peaches's "AA XXX".
i just got back from this dark 80's party. it took me back, like a time warp, to the time when i was 17. i was flooded with those strange memories that never came up before.
in my little alchohol-infested head i was back in 1998... when i listened to virgin prunes and sheep on drugs tapes, and hanged for this short and really confusing time with those three amazing older girls.
a certain night comes back in my memory,when we went outdoors, smoked ourselves stupid and laid under this tiny bridge in the railroads face-up, looking at the stars, waiting for a train to pass above us.
and as that memory struck me, i felt so growned up and drained... like i can never do things like that again. furthermore, i realized how much i liked those girls. and i realized how alone i am now.
my hamsters went back into their little igloo and fell asleep, and im sitting here alone in the dark, thinking of all those chances i had and missed.

2003-12-13 16:18:40 ET

i know what you mean dude... i've been feeling old myself lately... it's like nothing is the same anymore. now you have to worry about shit all the time. suddenly you don't care about just partying and doing crazy things all the time. sometimes, when you get the day off from school/work, you just wanna sit there and relax, and not go out or do anything. all your old dreams, philosophy, ideals, principles are gone. blach... i'm gonna stop now. it's too fucking depressing. i feel like the the angry, rebel, teenager in me just sold out... :)

2003-12-14 04:33:32 ET

im sorry for being such a freakin' downer...
i dont know if its about selling out... i think its more about certain feelings i miss. that little tingle in the back of my nack i felt before doing something i never did before and thinking :"this is gonna be exciting!". that kindda "out of body" point of view i always had when important things happened to me. andrenaline hits mixed with fear and joy.
damn it, i'm such an emo-creep sometimes:)

2003-12-15 10:04:47 ET

Would you quit bitching and clear next week?
I gotta have my hair dyed before christmas.

2003-12-15 14:30:45 ET


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