down where i belong.
2003-01-29 05:17:21 ET

I've been back at college for 3 days now, and I must say that my life is about 110% better. Except for getting up at 8:30 and trudging off to a 9:00 class every other day, it's going pretty well. I have my Jonathan back. ^_^ All is well with the world.

I have to go to the gym though. I'm not making as much of an effort to lose weight as I planned I would. It's because when you're constantly around someone who loves you no matter what, it's hard to feel self-conscious about your body. Most of the time. I think I need a complete rehaul of my mentality. I'm staring at a Talent Management poster on my wall, put there as a joke. I hate looking at all those stupid-looking people they display on it. I should take it down. But it's too funny a juxtaposition with my room to remove it. Sigh. Woe is me.

I need to buy transfer sheets, detergent, cereal bars, and a film processing canister. I don't have any money. I had the opportunity today in Sociology to sign up to simply loan out the required class book from the library instead of buying it, but they only had 4 books and I was slow in getting in line. Sucks to be me. At least Jonathan gets money from his parents from time to time. My mother doesn't have any money to give, and my father could care less about supporting my needs. I'll have to figure out a way to make it through the semester without going bankrupt.

Well, tis all from me for now... time to take a shower and go to the bathroom! Oh, sweet, sweet release...


2003-01-19 16:43:11 ET

So this is how it feels to suffer?
And I had too much to say
But itís over now
And Iím going down
Alone, alone

Iíve no guarantees
I'll recognize my disease
Before my time has gone
Itís all Iíve found
Canít get the hell off the ground
Out from under my feet

Promises and wishes all mean nothing
When itís me that Iím speaking to
Wanting something
Won't mean I will see it through

I donít need to see these visions to remind me
That Iím dying from the inside out
Wanting you here
It still means I must do without

I canít criticize your reasons for living
When youíre the one missing them
Wanting, dreaming
That I may find where they come from

Find where they come from
Where they come from

I dream you
And I want to
Be near you

I canít get up out from under my feet

Iíve tried to
But canít get it through
I need to
God it's all Iíve found
Canít get the hell off the ground
Out from under my feet

So this is how it feels, you sucker
And youíve had too much to say
But itís over now
Youíre finally going down
Alone, alone

2003-01-19 07:25:17 ET

I only have 6 more days before I go back to school and get to be with my baby! ^_^ The days are passing by so slowly here at home it's insane. Sigh... soon I'll be back in collegeland, with privacy, freedom, and happiness.

Though, college wouldn't be nearly as sweet if my love didn't live right across the hall from me. ^_^

I miss you Jonamathan!

originally written for someone else, but applies now to you.
2003-01-16 11:49:18 ET

Eye search the beating
Rhythmic shriek muffled
Within coward's facade.
Innocent requiem though misled,
Sorrow smashing outer shield.
Is my torture solace for thine hurts?
Methinks spoken truths shroud
Truths more guarded.
Reveal to me!
Pour out thine soul for angels' ears,
Blessed in naked emotion.
Commit thine fears to me, thine guardian;
An open heart without censure.
Trust my intentions, my naked words
Of love, devotion.
Cast away sharp blade thoughts
And unfold your song
For my sweet angel ears.

2003-01-14 19:10:02 ET

You're darkness! You are about the most evil thing on this planet...who knows if you are sane or not but one thing is for sure, you're not a people person. You're more bent on destoying mankind, when it comes right down to it.

What element are you?


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