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| oh this is a hard one... | 2006-01-26 15:53:31 ET |
OK. I DO WANT TO GO TO OUT WEST IN ABOUT A YEAR OR 2, BUT I HAVE A DILEMMA.
HERES THE SITUATION:
I LIVE WITH MY DAD. WE JUST MISSED OUR MORGAGE PAYMENT, SO ITS EITHER $5,000.00 OR THE STREETS FOR US. NEITHER OF US HAVE A JOB AT THE MOMENT, AND NO ONE TO FALL BACK ON IN THIS TIME OF NEED. I KNOW IT CANT BE PAID SO BASICALLY, WE ALREADY DONT HAVE A HOUSE. HERES ALITTLE MORE ABOUT MY DAD, HE LOST HIS JOB BEFORE MY MOM LEFT HIM 2 YEARS AGO, HE DIDNT HAVE A JOB FOR A YEAR BEFORE THAT. HAS HAD MAYBE A FEW ODD JOBS IN BETWEEN, HASEN'T REALLY STUCK WITH ANYTHING. I HAD THE JOBS AND STUCK WITH THEM AND PAID FOR ALOT AROUND THE HOUSE.
NOW MY DADS GIRLFRIEND DIED IN DEC. AND I FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. AND HE KEEPS SAYING THINGS LIKE " WHEN YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR YOU ARE GONE FOR GOOD, I WILL WRITE YOU OFF COMPLETELY" REFERRING TO ME GOING WITH MY MOM. NOW SINCE SHE LEFT IF I DIDN'T DO THINGS THE WAY HE WANTED, OR GIVE HIM MONEY FOR BOOZE OR GAS, HE WOULD THROW A FIT LIKE A 3 YEAR OLD..AND COME OF WITH SHIT LIKE " GO LIVE WITH YOUR MOTHER" OR " JUST FUCKIN LEAVE"
MY MOM IS THE ONLY PERSON I HAVE AS A FORM OF SUPPORT RIGHT NOW IN THIS ROUGH PATCH OF LIFE I'M GOING THROUGH. IN MARCH SHE IS MOVING TO SOUTH CAROLINA, WHICH MEANS I WONT HAVE A SUPPORT SYSTEM ANYMORE.
NOW ITS MY DAD AND I LOVE HIM DEARLY, BUT I DONT WANT TO BE WRITTEN OFF FROM HIS LIFE FOR GOOD, AND I DONT WANT TO LEAVE HIM TO STRUGGLE. BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT I NEED TO DO FOR ME NOW..AND TRY TO MAKE MY LIFE SOMETHING.
I'M JUST NOT SURE THOUGH...
HERES MY OPTIONS:
1.) I CAN STAY HERE WITH MY DAD AND BE HOMELESS AND STRUGLE, MAYBE GO DOWN WITH HIM. HE'LL TAKE ALL MY MONEY, AND I'LL NEVER MAKE IT TO THE CINEMA MAKE-UP SCHOOL IN L.A. LIKE I WANT TO.
OR
2.) I CAN PICK UP EVERYTHING HERE AND GO TO SOUTH CAROLINA WITH MY MOM AND BROTHER IN MARCH. GET A GOOD JOB, HAVE SOMEWHERE TO LIVE, GET SOME WHEELS, SAVE UP MONEY, LIVE ON THE BEACH, AND EVENTUALLY GET TO GO TO THE SCHOOL IN L.A. LIKE I WANT TO.
ANY ADVICE???? PLEASE.. ANYONE.. I'M STUCK RIGHT NOW...
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| the best gift of all... | 2005-12-26 07:26:34 ET |
YEA...LAST NIGHT WAS SPENT IN THE E.R. I GOT SLICED AND DICED, POKED AND PRODDED.. THEY BELIEVE I HAVE STAPH INFECTION IN MY LEG...OH JOY. IT WAS A WIERD EXPERIENCE....INSTEAD OF SCREAMING IN PAIN..I WAS CRYING BUT THE SOUNDS YOU MAKE WHEN YOU CRY WAS REPLACED WITH ME LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY. THE DOCTOR PROBABLY THOUGHT I WAS ON DRUGS, WHICH AT THAT POINT IN TIME...I WISHED I WERE. HE SHOVED THESE LITTLE SISSORS IN MY LEG....ABOUT A 1/2 INCH IN MY LEG...AND WOULD OPEN AND CUT AND POKE AND POKE AND CUT AND POKE AND CUT.......SARA WAS WITH ME...AND I THINK THE MOST VIVID MEMORY SHE WILL HAVE OF THAT NIGHT IS WHEN HE STARTED WITH THE POKEY THINGY..AND I LOOK AT HER...BITING MY HOODIE IN PAIN..WITH THE MOST HORRIFIED LOOK EVER...REACHING OUT TO HER...SWINGING MY HAND REAL FAST. OTHER THEN THAT I THINK I TOOK IT LIKE A TROOPER..I DIDN'T SCREAM...AND I WASEN'T BAWLING...I WAS LAUGHING TEARFULLY AND CRACKIN JOKES ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON. I TOLD THE DOCTOR THAT ALL THAT TORTURE WAS THE BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT ALL DAY.
BEFORE THE E.R. I SPENT TIME AT MY G-MA AND PAPS.....MY G-MA AND I ARGUED ABOUT RELIGION. THEN I WENT HOME AND ATE AGAIN...TRIED TO TAKE A NAP AND THEN MADE DAD TAKE ME TO THE E.R.
I PURPOSLY WAIT UNTIL AFTER ALL THE X-MAS FESTIVITIES TO GO AND GET THIS THING TAKEN CARE OF..TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH I LET IT GO 3 DAYS LONGER THAN I SHOULD'VE...
NOTE TO SELF....STOP BEING SO STUBBORN...AND GO TO THE HOSPITAL AT 1ST SIGHT OF TOUBLE.....CAUSE NEXT TIME YOU MIGHT LOSE A LIMB....
I HOPE EVERYONE HAD A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY...I KNOW MINE WILL BE WELL REMEMBERED.
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| nostalgia kicks in.. | 2005-11-27 15:55:38 ET |
I'M IN A PRETTY CRAPPY MOOD RIGHT NOW. I'VE BEEN VERY NOSTALGIC TODAY. I MISS THE SUMMER...REALLY BAD. SO MANY GOOD TIMES. AND ITS NOT JUST SUMMER I MISS. JUST ....PAST STUFF IN GENERAL. GOOD MEMORIES WITH SPECIAL PEOPLE. PEOPLE THAT LEFT AN IMPRINT ON MY HEART. ONE IN PARTICULAR...
JOHN FERREE....IT WILL BE 5 YEARS TOMORROW SINCE HE DIED.. AND IT JUST HIT ME WHEN ALITTLE BIT AGO WHEN I WAS MOVING THE MILK OUT OF MY WAY IN THE FRIDGE AND I REALIZED THE EXPIRATION DATE ON IT...NOV. 28.......I CAN'T BELIEVE ITS BEEN 5 YEARS...DOENS'T SEEM THAT LONG AGO. I HAVE NO WAY TO MAKE IT UP TO HIS GRAVE TOMORROW...MAYBE I DO.
ITS CRAZY...THE WAY PEOPLE IMPACT YOUR LIFE..EVEN AFTER THEY ARE GONE..
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