"Why can't I own Canadians?" - Wyoming Part 22003-10-29 03:48:05 ET

Before reading this, go read Antoire's entry "Wyoming"

Why Can't I Own Canadians?

Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned in any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 5:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by
Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev. 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan, Jake

Recycled Plastic2003-10-28 18:48:13 ET

so the day comes to an end
only to be recycled
the same morning commute
cup of coffee black and two sugar
a toasted bagel with butter
the rain, like yesterday, in my face
wet and soaking
into the studio where I live,
recycling what we did
just two weeks ago
funny how most of what we recycle
gets thrown out in the end
1 comment

Women2003-10-28 14:46:03 ET

A Playlist

01. Precious Things Tori Amos
02. Parade Garbage
03. Dirty Little Secrets Thrill Kill Kult
04. All Mine Portishead
05. Special Cases Massive Attack
06. Hands Around My Throat Death In Vegas
07. 6 Underground Sneaker Pimps
08. Low Tide of the Night Everything But The Girl
09. Song For Holly Esthero
10. Naked Birthday Switchblade Symphony
11. Pitch The Baby Cocteau Twins
12. Innocente Delerium
13. Nightshade Rhea's Obsession
14. Sleep K.M.F.D.M.

Any thoughts?

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