TreeFriend :: subkultures.net

subkultures.net

When I'm Gone lyrics

Introduction
Yeah...
It's my life...
My own words I guess...

Verse 1
Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?
When they know they're your heart
And you know you were their armour
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm 'her
But what happens when karma, turns right around and bites you?
And everything you stand for, turns on you to spite you?
What happens when you become the main source of her pain?
"Daddy look what I made", Dad's gotta go catch a plane
"Daddy where's Mommy? I can't find Mommy where is she?"
I don't know go play Hailie, baby, your Daddy's busy
Daddy's writing a song, this song ain't gonna write itself
I'll give you one underdog then you gotta swing by yourself
Then turn right around on that song and tell her you love her
And put hands on her mother, who's a spitting image of her
That's Slim Shady, yeah baby, Slim Shady's crazy
Shady made me, but tonight Shady's rocka-by-baby...

Chorus
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back...

Verse 2
I keep having this dream, I'm pushin' Hailie on the swing
She keeps screaming, she don't want me to sing
"You're making Mommy cry, why? Why is Mommy crying?"
Baby, Daddy ain't leaving no more, "Daddy you're lying
"You always say that, you always say this is the last time
"But you ain't leaving no more, Daddy you're mine"
She's piling boxes in front of the door trying to block it
"Daddy please, Daddy don't leave, Daddy - no stop it!"
Goes in her pocket, pulls out a tiny necklace locket
It's got a picture, "this'll keep you safe Daddy, take it withcha'"
I look up, it's just me standing in the mirror
These fuckin' walls must be talking, cuz man I can hear 'em
They're saying "You've got one more chance to do right" - and it's tonight
Now go out there and show that you love 'em before it's too late
And just as I go to walk out of my bedroom door
It's turns to a stage, they're gone, and this spotlight is on
And I'm singing...

Chorus
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back...

Verse 3
Sixty thousand people, all jumping out their seat
The curtain closes, they're throwing roses at my feet
I take a bow and thank you all for coming out
They're screaming so loud, I take one last look at the crowd
I glance down, I don't believe what I'm seeing
"Daddy it's me, help Mommy, her wrists are bleeding,"
But baby we're in Sweden, how did you get to Sweden?
"I followed you Daddy, you told me that you weren't leavin'
"You lied to me Dad, and now you make Mommy sad
"And I bought you this coin, it says 'Number One Dad'
"That's all I wanted, I just want to give you this coin
"I get the point - fine, me and Mommy are going"
But baby wait, "it's too late Dad, you made the choice
"Now go out there and show 'em that you love 'em more than us"
That's what they want, they want you Marshall, they keep.. screamin' your name
It's no wonder you can't go to sleep, just take another pill
Yeah, I bet you you will. You rap about it, yeah, word, k-keep it real
I hear applause, all this time I couldn't see
How could it be, that the curtain is closing on me
I turn around, find a gun on the ground, cock it
Put it to my brain and scream "die Shady" and pop it
The sky darkens, my life flashes, the plane that I was supposed to be on crashes and burns to ashes
That's when I wake up, alarm clock's ringin', there's birds singin'
It's Spring and Hailie's outside swinging, I walk right up to Kim and kiss her
Tell her I miss her, Hailie just smiles and winks at her little sister
Almost as if to say..

Chorus/Outro
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back...

Well today I went out job hunting. I dropped off a dozen or more applications. Then came home slept and got online.

I came onto SK first to check on my account. As I was a SK memebers name caught my eye and I looked into the page. As I sat reading this persons thoughts it triggered some memories I didn't want to have...

I don't know, maybe this is just my way of venting. Letting it out to people who don't really know me. It seems easier that way.

I'm 25 soon to be 26. Up until afew months ago I was living with a woman name Cristalis. We had originally wanted to be married. Things as they always do happen. We never had alot of money, things, or time together. I was working as a Supervisor and Field manager of sorts for the company. And that required me to work alot. Sometimes I'd only be home for 3 or 4 hours at a time.

I came home one day to find that Cristalis was in the bathroom crying. I hadn't been home in nearly a week by now. Of course being concerned I asked her what the matter was... You really never feel the force of a death until days later. And you never expect it either.

As she cried she hugged me and told me that she had been in the hospital. That didn't bother me so much since we both at that time had been alot due to injuries, illness, and so on. But she told me that she had been hidding the fact she had carrying my child for the last 3+ months. That the night I left she miscarried. I blew up like living fire. It's how I felt. It's all I could do from dying. I asked why she never told me about the baby or when it happend. That I didn't need to leave her alone for a whole week! (7day and 8 nights) She just cried and said sorry over and over. She even showed me the papers she had from the doctor. So for the next year I worked more, hated more, tried to make her happier more.

I was guilt riden. I felt it was my fault she suffered in silence. So I worked myself into hell to get use things she wanted.
Are supplies, clothing, toys, books, movies, whatever she wanted if I could get it I tried to get it.

One day I lost my job because I couldn't handle two things anymore.
One was her constantly telling me she was lonely. That even if I tried to get her to see family, friends, myself, or anyone that it wasn't enough. And secondly I couldn't handle the company. I had become their damn lapdog. Working everysite that needed someone. Agreeing with bad idea's just to keep a job. Putting my officers in risk or danger because the managers couldn't understand what was coming out of my mouth.

From the night I quit to the morning I left for Tennessee I begged her to come with me. That if we had we could live in the truck for awhile until we got jobs and worked things out, if we had too. But she didn't come. And after I got here she called and said she wanted to come to be with me that she was wrong in own way. I got a crappy job with Wal-mart 80 hour biweekly checks at 7.20 an hour. I fucked up my legs to get us the money. She kept rushing me about the money, about an apartment, and everything. Until I got to the point I had to ask her why she just didn't come with me in the first place... She said she thought that I didn't really want her there. She "read it" in my mannerisims. That and she felt that she really at the time didn't think she wanted to marry me. But now she did after her family started to bother her.

I don't know how I was supposed to take that last bit. But I felt cold, icy, and damned. I don't remember thinking about it. I can't remember why I said it. But I asked her not call anymore. To stop trying. But as I told her this I felt every injury, every bad night, and every problem I had crush me more. My family and friends tell me that they'd do the same if their loved ones had say some of the things she said to me that last time on the phone.

I don't know though. I feel so old now. So tried all the time. But I keep going. And I am deathly afraid of myself, women (in a weird way), and anything ever carrying my blood.

Sorry for the long page...