the nature of resistance (written feb/mar '02)
2002-08-22 13:13:20 ET

i am pressed for something to say
(i cannot say it here )
it is your eyes that bother me; it is your mind i fear.

i was searching for an answer
but the ones i know are wrong.
(why cant you let me lie down in your bed, where i belong?) why cant i push the buttons
that could cause you to confess?
why can't we close the circuits?
why cant you just say yes?

i've asked them all whats wrong with me
and no one can explain. its in the nature of resistance,
to deny that any pain,
may be caused by certain distances
or that you might just hold the key.
just tell me if this bothers you,
why cant you answer me? am i speaking? am i dreaming?

i have told you loud and clear.
it is your eyes that bother me,
it is your mind i fear.

2002-08-22 13:28:14 ET

i like these words you show ;-)

2002-08-23 05:44:34 ET

you've got an amazing talent with words. i love that. what you wrote that is.

2002-08-23 09:26:28 ET

explains the situation perfectly...

2002-08-23 10:19:24 ET


2002-08-24 15:15:21 ET

thank you. i had run out of relevant things to say about the present so i figured i'd put the past up for show after it stopped hurting

2002-08-24 16:14:57 ET

I think this was written quite well!

2002-08-24 16:17:36 ET

it was written beautifuly...

2002-08-25 07:48:15 ET

run out of relevant things to say about the present??? you're busier than ever!

i kinda feel that way too though... the past is easier to talk about, more distant, more ripe for nostalgia...

2002-08-25 11:52:29 ET

:: busier than ever:: ha i'm just keeping myself 'busy', if thats what youd like to call it... but its not as deeply felt, its more purgatorial than a roller coaster ride through heaven or hell like how things used to be.

its like being surrounded by people on the subway and feeling lonely... i'm surrounded by distraction but i know that this is all shallow.. and i realize that essentially, i have nothing to write about. the one thing i do have to write about is steeped in complexity and only a waiting game to see how things play out anyway. i dont know.. everything just feels different now

2002-08-25 11:58:53 ET

But it's not shallow. Your mind is ticking and assessing your experiences just the same. The difference is that it is processing in present time and not past--and thus no nostalgia. It also doesn't help that you keep, literally, revisiting the past. ::glares:: Makes it seem more significant, more like something you lost.

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