YES!!! GOOD SHIT

2004-05-24 20:54:32 ET so some excellent news was brought to my attention last thursday when i found out from my friend alex that i got into middle college. uhh im so happy i dont have to be at the fuckin prison called high school. i can acctually be with civilized people who acctually want to talk about something interesting other than whos wearing the lasted fad. such bullshit uhh i hate high school. but aside from that i think that i might be getting off of being grounded hella soon even before schools out and im gonna be getting 100 beans from my moms b/f for washing his motorcycle so thats cool shit. i can finally get my ticket for BFD there really arient very good bands this year but i want to go anyways to see the Violent Fems cause there fuckin awesome and it would be a nice little treat to do something fun the day after school gets out and another good thing my friend rosa is now talking to me again after i think about a month and a half of not speaking because of some bullshit drama but so thats chill and i cant wait for school to get out 6 comments

grounded yet again

2004-05-16 13:36:40 ET WOW!!! being ground sucks fat balls. its been 4 months since the last time i was grounded and now that i am grounded again uhh it sucks my karma is coming to bite me in the ass i guess this is what i get for drinking and making an ass of myself shit i dont even know how long this ones gonna last probobly not as long as when i got caught with contraband but i dunno im acctually happy that i did get in trouble because this really opened my eyes to the fact that wow i have a serious problem with boozeing.. i mean its so bad that pretty much ever time that i do booze i black out or i just end up making an ass out of myself but i dunno maybe sobriety will help me to get motivated more in school even though ihave like 3 weeks left and it'll get my fat ass up and look for a fuckin job oh yeah but i guess some good shits gonna come out of this my moms gonna finally let me get my license since i told her that i would go to AA meetings and get help for my drinking problem whos knows if i can kick the habit of drinking maybe ill even kick cigarettes next and then pot and then even hoeing it whos knows what else i can quit next

Dear Mom

2004-05-14 14:38:26 ET Dear Mom, As you may have heard I died today in a drunk driving accident. As sudden as this happened, their were a million things that I would have loved to have told you. I was always looking for the right time to tell you these things and I'm truly sorry that it had to be this time to tell you. I don't even know where to begin. Mom don't think that this is your fault. Don't spend the rest of your life blaming yourself for what happened to me. Please don't think that in any way this makes you a bad parent. You're not a bad parent, if anything im a bad child because I have put you through so much. The things that I have dont to you, Mom I am not proud of. I know I've told you time and time again that I hate you or that you're a horriable parent, Mama you know I never meant any to that. Your one if not the greatest person I have ever known. You've always been there for me when I needed you. I will tell you, that you haven't always listened to me or understood me but I think that you've had a good idea of who I was. You know Mom I think you know me better than some of my own friends do. I haven't ever told you half the things that I've done, but for some reason you always find out with out me having to tell you. I'm not exactly going to name the times that these cases have happened. But their have been times when I wanted to talk to you and tell you something and I guess maybe you could just feel that I had something to say. You would joke about it with me and even though I never said any of it was true, you knew. You're the reason why I am such a strong person. You made me see the world and understand what goes on. Mama I never told you enough but I love you with all my heart. Your one of the best friends I have ever had. I'm going to miss how I could talk to you about almost anything. Most girls can't have the relationship we have had, the closeness. I hope that you never forget that. Don't be sad for me Mama. Life was an adventure, and now that I'm not living I'm on my way to have another in the after life. One day we will be together again and we can start a new adventure together, as we have with so many others. When you think of me, just think that I'm on a long trip and that one day we shall meet again. I love you and will be waiting to see you again. Love, Amy

Dont drink and drive

2004-05-14 14:26:18 ET today was the end of my two day program called Every 15 Minutes. Every 15 Minutes a person is killed in an alcohol- related traffic collision in the United States. this program was to show kids at my school the effects of drinking and driving now i wasnt acctually one of those kids that was in the car crash because i was already suppose to be dead before the kids in the crash died at first i wasnt very emotional cause im not a very emotional person to begin with and since i knew that this was all fake i was just like oh yeah i know this can happen but whatever and while everyone else was balling their eyes out i just kind of sat there even at the retreit everyone was still getting very emotional but for some reason i still didnt cry but today after the funeral at school when i saw my mom walk towards me and she was crying and she said if this ever happened to you i dont know what i would do. she told me about how the night before on officer called my mom at work and she forgot about the 15 min program and she acctually thought that they were calling her about my brother because he gets in trouble with the law often but when they told her that i was killed in a drunk driving accident my mom was stunned at first and then she realized that this was part of the program but she still didnt know what to say when she told me this i couldnt help but let go and just cry and when i got home and read her the letter telling her that i was dead (which i will put in my next journal entry) we both started crying because i do have a horriable drinking problem and this whole program made me think that you know with the way that im going this could happen to me and im suprised that it hasnt already..

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