|january||2006-01-03 19:18:32 ET|
Yes, January because I don't intend to write in this more than monthly, if that. I'm a busy girl.
So, the big news, so far, this month is that the new boyfriend (boyfriend B for those in the know) doesn't love me and doesn't think he will fall in love with me. He also doesn't think polyamorous relationships are for him.
So I'm really bummed by this and trying to figure out how to put the brakes on the emotions I've been fostering for him and what our relationship will become. I admire him in so many ways that I think it would be stupid of me to completely cut off all communication with him like I do when I want to stop loving someone. I think I can learn a lot from him. But I'm worried that I'll be in danger of deluding myself into searching for some signs of love or letting myself fall in love.
He's all for having me around for fun (because we get along well enough, I guess) until Ms. Right comes along but that kind of chafes with me. I guess I might feel differently the more successful I become with divorcing my emotions from him. Regardless, for the next two weeks I'm stuck in a situation where I'm living with him until I can finesse the new living situation with my own room at the place on Granada Street.
It's like no matter what I do, I'll always get set aside, first with boyfriend A and the poor little helpless girl and now with boyfriend B and his emotional unavailability (towards me at least).
So there's your dose of drama for the month.
01-04 - 01-08
Things are resolved with boyfriend B. We've found equilibrium and not much has changed in our arrangement other than emotional expectations. Things got resolved pretty quickly (like the next day) because we're both about being out in the open about what's going on.
Still working through boyfriend A's insecurities and my own minor resentments but things are pretty stable with him right now, too. Love will drag you through a lot, but I like to think it will get you out the other side too.
Finally met a woman I've been talking with on and off for a couple weeks. She's pretty hot in an alternative way and quite the domme. So far she's really intense and a little alarming but still intriguing enough that I'm not running for the hills. She's gonna be Madame or just Mme. cuz I'm into abbreviations.
Still trying to get my space established at the Sugar Shack, the artist workspace I've found that's free of charge. I need to get working if I'm going to stick to my goal of finishing one piece a month. I'm already two weeks behind.