2006-01-03 19:18:32 ET

Yes, January because I don't intend to write in this more than monthly, if that. I'm a busy girl.
So, the big news, so far, this month is that the new boyfriend (boyfriend B for those in the know) doesn't love me and doesn't think he will fall in love with me. He also doesn't think polyamorous relationships are for him.
So I'm really bummed by this and trying to figure out how to put the brakes on the emotions I've been fostering for him and what our relationship will become. I admire him in so many ways that I think it would be stupid of me to completely cut off all communication with him like I do when I want to stop loving someone. I think I can learn a lot from him. But I'm worried that I'll be in danger of deluding myself into searching for some signs of love or letting myself fall in love.
He's all for having me around for fun (because we get along well enough, I guess) until Ms. Right comes along but that kind of chafes with me. I guess I might feel differently the more successful I become with divorcing my emotions from him. Regardless, for the next two weeks I'm stuck in a situation where I'm living with him until I can finesse the new living situation with my own room at the place on Granada Street.
It's like no matter what I do, I'll always get set aside, first with boyfriend A and the poor little helpless girl and now with boyfriend B and his emotional unavailability (towards me at least).
So there's your dose of drama for the month.

01-04 - 01-08
Things are resolved with boyfriend B. We've found equilibrium and not much has changed in our arrangement other than emotional expectations. Things got resolved pretty quickly (like the next day) because we're both about being out in the open about what's going on.
Still working through boyfriend A's insecurities and my own minor resentments but things are pretty stable with him right now, too. Love will drag you through a lot, but I like to think it will get you out the other side too.
Finally met a woman I've been talking with on and off for a couple weeks. She's pretty hot in an alternative way and quite the domme. So far she's really intense and a little alarming but still intriguing enough that I'm not running for the hills. She's gonna be Madame or just Mme. cuz I'm into abbreviations.
Still trying to get my space established at the Sugar Shack, the artist workspace I've found that's free of charge. I need to get working if I'm going to stick to my goal of finishing one piece a month. I'm already two weeks behind.

2006-01-03 19:29:50 ET

You remind me of someone I used to know. Welcome to SK.

2006-01-03 19:39:18 ET

Wow. I hope it's not someone you knew who became a used-to-know for bad reasons. And thanks.

2006-01-03 19:41:04 ET

Welcome to SK!
Five bucks says you like it well enough to write maybe TWICE a month... at least.
Five bucks says I won't give you five bucks if you win.

2006-01-03 19:41:19 ET

so long as boyfriend b isn't a dachsund. (don't ask, it was the first idea that came to mind)

also, welcome to sk! you'll find that its like crack except arguably healthier.

and you better update more than monthly! <shakes fist>

2006-01-03 19:41:38 ET

Well. I really enjoyed her friendship and her mind until I realized her soul was rotten. Aside from that, I loved her.

Your manner of speaking/thought-process reminds me of her. That's the part I liked most.

And no problem. :D

2006-01-03 20:03:54 ET

welcome and watch out for the van.

2006-01-03 21:13:33 ET


2006-01-03 21:23:41 ET

How many SKers work for Myspace?

Anyways, welcome to Ms. Apparently-Cooler-Than-My-Mother.

Get in the van. >:O

2006-01-03 23:09:15 ET

j00ley: No worries. I don't take money from strangers. And we'll see, since I'll undoubtedly be having Turbo hounding me to update whenever I see him at work. Thanks for the welcome.

T: You are irrepressible. I'll see you tomorrow.

Pez: Wow. I hope you don't find my soul to be rotten. And cool, maybe we can be friends.

proxenus/Gryfin: Thank you for the welcomes. Although, I think it may be too late to save me from the van.

motard: Egads, I've been spotted.

2006-01-03 23:58:36 ET

Welcome! Any friend of Turbo's is psychotic! I mean a friend of mine... ;)

Don't feed the natives....

2006-01-04 01:13:06 ET

welcome to sk.
Already Lars claims of you being cooler than my mom seem true ;)

2006-01-04 01:38:54 ET

Um, that should read "Anyways, welcome to SK Ms. Apparently-Cooler-Than-My-Mother."


::throws a sack over your head::

2006-01-04 03:28:09 ET

howdy and welcome to SK

2006-01-04 03:59:15 ET

Welcome to Subkultures.

2006-01-04 06:54:44 ET

welcome to sk, best of luck with the emotions thing.

2006-01-04 09:27:40 ET

welcome! my personal belief with boys who won't give me the time of day, or what i need out of the relationship is that they are not worth my time. if you are not getting what you need out of the relationship, then why bother? perhaps a friendship would be more beneficial to the both of you...

2006-01-04 10:28:33 ET

wait, you look EXACTLY like someone I went to highschool with. Is your name LJ?

2006-01-04 10:52:15 ET

Hello! And welcome.

Don't worry, it's not really like crack.

2006-01-04 12:22:15 ET

i know from all my nonexistant experience with crack. so there.

2006-01-04 21:51:50 ET

motard: I read through that and didn't even notice. No worries.
BEG: We've achieved an equilibrium that works for both of us. Things are cool now.
Bel: I was born and raised in SoCal, what can I say. You must've met my doppelganger.

So I'm like starting to realize that Turbo wasn't bullshitting about the cool tight-knit community thing he was selling me. Thank you to everyone for giving me such a warm welcome. I feel a little overwhelmed but in a good way. :D

2006-01-05 13:19:58 ET

subkultures.net - where everyone's your stalker :-D

2006-01-06 11:32:38 ET


2006-01-06 13:34:16 ET

Mo, you never invited me to your van before. :(

Er, I mean, hi, oedalis.

Were you up front with this boyfriend B in the first place about the polyamory? (Did I make that word up?)

2006-01-08 08:43:10 ET

welcome to sk

2006-01-09 19:08:48 ET

Faint: Yeah I'm always up front about that. I'm really big on being straight-forward and honest because I can't stand the drama that results from being otherwise.
And hello to you too. :)

2006-01-11 12:35:42 ET

Oh, well, good. In that case, it's him that's deciding to be difficult. Not your fault.

And now I see that there's an update on the situation. This is not my area of expertise.

2006-01-20 01:45:20 ET

yaknow that saying 'cleanliness is next to godliness'?

well i hear 'updating is next to godliness' as well, yes yes i do.

so now you know: update, and get to be a goddess. then you can do fancy things like shoot CHEESE from your fingers!

2006-01-20 11:19:38 ET

What! I update, and I haven't gotten this cheese shooting power.


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