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2006-05-04 01:52:09 ET It's only been a few days but it feels like so much longer. This whole weekend, so much went down, I feel a kind of jet lag. But, now they're moved into their own place. I've been looking for a new place to live. Either a single or a fairly spacious room in a friendly, organized, drug-free house. I've been looking on the west side of LA in particular and in Long Beach or anywhere along the 405 between LBC and Santa Monica except Inglewood and the whole LAX area because it is narsty. I feel a bit discouraged about this though because I get the vague, not entirely unfounded impression that no one cares to have me closer at hand. Nevertheless, I have looked at a single in Santa Monica (which would be the only place I could afford in that area as rent is adjusted for my income range) and will be looking at some places in Carson (one of which proclaims itself to be a party house--oh joy) and Long Beach presently. It has come to my attention also that my place of work will be moving from Santa Monica to Beverly Hills in the next couple months so I may not want to move to Santa Monica after all. I kind of hate Fox. I miss sex. I mean dirty, nasty, bruising, hair-pulling, face-slapping, biting, sodomizing, rough and tumble. I don't even remember what it's like to feel like a cheap dirty slut. I'm not even sure how I'd react to being treated thus for that matter; I haven't been marked in so long. I'm way outside of the mindset and I miss it but at this point I have trouble seeing how I could be immersed in it again. I have a show later this month but I feel too sad and lonely to paint. No inspiration, little motivation, I'm just bummed when I'm alone so I've taken to retreating into books again. Unfortunately, my library is well-read. I need to buy new books to read. Must feed my addiction! Gods I suppose I should brainstorm. No storms in my brain though. Bleargh. Flashback: I'm listening to Total Coelo - I Eat Cannibals playing on Radio Nigel and I remembered suddenly my mother telling me that when I was a toddler it was my favorite song and I'd bounce to it endlessly like the little omnivore I was. "Your love is so edible--to me. I eat cannibals!" --made of cheese. Oh. Something funny and creepy and sad: S L O W L Y D O W N W A R D |
