i hate...well i hate everything
2004-04-12 10:25:26 ET

okay, more of the usual. have i mentioned lately how utterly sick of my life i am at this moment? oh, i have? well it bears repeating.

i really think i've spread myself too thin this time around. i've got more schoolwork than i'll probably physically be able to complete in a month, i've got a program to conduct each week at work from now till the end of the semester plus i've got the burlesque show which is ever-so-unconveniently happening the weekend after my final exams. how the hell am i going to make time for all this? not to mention that i don't actually have the motivation to even start, nonetheless complete, all this. and then there's the apathy, the i'm-so-over-this-so-fuck-it-ness that's always there to add to my self loathing.

i just need these next four weeks to be over and this weight on my shoulders to disappear and to do this show and have it be a total success or not but whatever it will be done and over with and so will everything else and i can stop stressing out so much and tearing at my hair and hating myself and wishing i weren't me, just for five minutes. of course that won't really happen because as soon as school lets out i'll be faced with the "oh shit, i don't have a job, how am i going to pay bills or afford to eat?!?!" dilemma. i'm so broke now because of those unexpected car problems that i'm having a hard time figuring out how to pay my expenses even with a job. so without the job will certainly suck mightily.

blahblahblah, woe is me, whatever. i'm really not feeling that much self pity or anything. i'm mostly pissed at myself. i should be handling this better or something. i'm just not feeling it. life, that is.


2004-04-12 11:30:04 ET

Yeah well I've got the flu and all my finals are this week. Quit yer bellyachin'.

2004-04-12 11:32:15 ET

Damn, I'm sorry...for both of yas. The good news I guess is that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel, despite how dim it may seem... At any rate, good luck...

2004-04-13 07:28:06 ET

yeh...you gotta love how the whole stress&illness thing works out. the more stressed you are, the shittier your immune system is,the more easily you get sick, the worse you feel, the more stressed you become, etc. i saw some study a while back that said that 25% of students are sick at exam time, undoubtedly due to stress. anyway, good luck with all that. at least your finals will be over. i'm all about things being OVER.

oh, and thanks to you also. i know there's a light and all that. my life isn't that bad, it just feels like it sometimes. i'm sure you can all relate.

2004-04-13 09:24:20 ET

Hell yeah I can relate... I always have a hard time remembering the light is there, and sometimes its good to be reminded. Bleh.

2004-04-13 13:40:06 ET

Life is really bad. I weep at the thought of the cost of my education, and all the years I've wasted when I could have this over with by now.
The only people who really enjoy life are stupid ones with rich parents.

2004-04-13 19:02:51 ET

I agree...my best friend is in the middle of a nervous brea, primarilly (but not completely) because of money. She's going to BU for law school, but isn't going to be going into a part of the field where she will be making any money...so she's wondering how she is going to pay off the $40k per year its costing her to go there. Plus shes so far away from her friends (California native), so...ugh. Yeah, its ugly. Money blows.

2004-04-14 08:18:18 ET

indeed. i get pissed at myself for stressing over money so hardcore, too. of all the frivilous things allowed to ruin one's life...

finances are one of the most commonly cited reasons behind suicide. go figure.

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