2003-05-03 18:50:00 ET|
well what can i say? not much i guess. and i think thats what bugs me.
i feel like i got a huge ball of twine building up inside my stomach, and i cant make it go away.
i look at people with skills and abilities and i become venom green. i wish i could paint, make music, write, design, fix cars, cook, anything that will make me feel the passion of creation. some one with an open outlet in the form of some art or skill cant understand that craving. the frustration. what it is to see an amazing painting inside your head without being able to make a single straight line on paper; to hear music in your brain without being able to play it, not even mention sing it; to have a concept in your thoughts without finding the words for it.
i feel things inside me like a big bundle, that turns grey as it being held in. like a sponge, absorbing in but nothing ever goes out. nothing i do gives me bliss.
i heard this song in the radio today, and i found myself kind of amused (in a bitter way) by its words. i guess it just popped in the right moment: (free translation from hebrew)
"something inside has been dead for years/ and the noise inside my head/ we cant catch our breath/ lots of guilt/ lots of agony/ and a pit of emptiness." just felt right to the mood.
oh yeah, the weekend was fun blah blah blah blah.....
=ears: placebo - hold on to your I.Q =