Is it bad to...........
2003-05-27 20:45:10 ET

Is it bad to give up on a friend if the friend has givin up on themselves.... OR Is it bad to fade a friendship because it is too painful to care.

I have two scenario's:

#1. Courtney Clark (male)...
I grew up with Courtney. We have had many fun times together. He was always a little bit off. He is one of those persons that conducts himself like an asshole all the time, but radiates enough karisma to pull it off. Well Courtney is a big time tweeker (crystal meth addict) now. He has stolen from me, and I have forgivin him. He constantly flakes me around. He is so high all the time now (this is after 2 trips to rehab) that he loaned his car to a tweeker hood ratt and she ofcourse took off with it. The point is. I don't think I can gain anything from being his friend anymore even though I love who he once was. It certainly is not the type of guy that I want my son to think is my friend.

#2. Rebecca Graff (exwife)...
I never thought in all my life I would care about somebody like I did her. We were so young. I was 18 and she was 15 when we started dating. We dated almost three years and got married. We were married for seven. We did everything the hard way... EVERYTHING! We grew up together because of it. We also grew away from each other because of it too.
I now see her as a lost soul. Someone who does not know what she wants cause she has no idea who she is. Which is a real shame cause she is the mother of Jacob. She is uber codependant. So much that she does not leave me alone still. She needs me around as a security blanket, which I have done at the expense of my sanity for a long time. I mean we don't even live in the same state, but she calls me almost daily. She has gone as far to cry to me over her scattered, doomed relationship that she jumped into as soon as we split. I know that I will have to deal with her in some form for a long time, well atleast 15 more years cause of Jacob. The problem is, I truly gave myself to who she once was. She still knows me better than anyone. I did not want the divorce. Talking to her on the phone daily does not help me, it reminds me of someone I once loved and a family I once adored. The thought of my family as a single unit is still a beautiful idea, but its not practical. She is not capable of the same depth of feelings I have. That is painful for me to know but atleast now I know it. I have had lots of time to deal with it all, I mean I have been divorced almost two years.
She called me tonight to rattle on about some of her issues (bad idea). I told her that I don't want to hear from her anymore. I told her that she tortures me when I hear from her and not to call me anymore unless it was in Jakes interest. I just need my sanity. So I bailed... I heard in her voice when I told her all of this that she was upset. So what! I think to myself that is how I feel all the time by bieng her freind. Her friendship is not benificial to my best interests any longer...

Am I selfish...

Deception kills
2003-05-26 07:23:26 ET

I hate posting negative shit but I am so sick of people. 79.7% of all people are dark, rotten, evil liars. I hate the way I am. I am one of the easiest people in the world to lie too. I wanna believe everyone. I am a sucker. Most of the time I don't let people close enough to me to hurt me. They are aquaintances. There are a few though who must hold a peice of cryptonite in there pockets. Bieng decieved by them "friends?" really hurts... I can't and don't wish to be hard and dark. So a sucker for life I am. I guess my pain is self chosen. It still hurts none the less.

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