2004-10-18 15:52:08 ET

Well it looks like president@whitehouse.gov didn't respond to the GMail invite I'd sent him.

2004-10-06 18:04:38 ET

I dont mind when ladies make it with me. It is good. What bad is when ladies make it away with the wallet of mine. Very bad.

2004-10-03 19:18:27 ET

I think they put crack into barbecue sauce.

Public Service Announcement
2004-09-30 07:06:04 ET

If someone tells you the following:

"I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate."

then what they are really trying to say is:

"I am your cousin's former roommate."


Yes, I know. I have too much free time.

Photo Op
2004-09-28 20:06:30 ET

Does anyone know of any well priced, good quality digital cameras? Preferably ones to which one can attach a fiber optic "snake" with a miniature lens on the end? Also, what is a good, sharp, preferably quiet, small diameter drill that is powerful enough to drill through apartment building walls? Thanks.


Getting Screwed On The Staten Island Ferry
2004-09-28 17:35:16 ET

For anyone that cares:

The new 4,500 passenger Staten Island Ferry boat, the Guy V. Molinari, made its debut yesterday (Monday).


A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said: "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."

Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain.

"What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."

"He sure is, lady," said the Captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

Earthquake Proofing Your State
2004-09-28 14:22:59 ET

I've heard there was an earthquake in California. I really hope everything is ok but... I just don't understand you guys. If you don't want earthquakes then you can stop them quite easily with this tried and true method of mine. You see, the rumblings occur deep down in the belly of the beast. They signify geological hunger. And what else should we feed to the very depths of the earth if not... virgins?


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