A poem I wrote on the first anniversary of my mom's death.    2011-03-04 12:15:29 ET
Since You've Left Me

It's been a year since you've left me now
And I still don't know why or how
I have been ok I guess
I'm not so sure about the rest
This life is like a test
And I swear I'm trying my best
Although my best is no longer enough
I will try my best to be tough
I miss you so much words cannot explain
But that doesn't stop the shit I have to face again
Your body still remains with me
But I smile because I know your soul is free
Some believe your in a better place
I think your somewhere with a new face
Somewhere different with a new beginning
A place where I hope you will have a happier ending
A place with much less rain
And a life with much less pain

 Tears    2011-03-03 11:05:49 ET
Why do these tears run down my face
Was I really that much of a disgrace
I remember being told I was a mistake
Was he right
Or was it just another excuse for a fight
I remember hiding my face in my hair
Wondering why doesn't anyone care
At first I thought they didn't see
But then I knew they did
It mattered the world to me
But to them I was just another kid
I knew that I should tell
But when they'd ask I'd say I fell
I remember when he found my hiding place
It took a long time to get rid of the mark on my face
I don't think he remembers anymore
Now it stays hidden deep withen his core
I don't want any sympathy
Because many have it worse than me
Sometimes I wished he cared
About the feelings I never shared
Because those are the important ones
Many thoughts of knives and guns
Many questions sit unheard
Because I could never bring myself to say the words
I still wish I knew what he thinks
About the pain he caused with his mistakes
Was it really a mistake
Or did I deserve the pain
sometimes my tears fall like rain
Outside on the window payne
I used to dream that one day i'd find a guy
I could lay with under the midnight sky
And he would hold me andd tell me he'd love me forever
And leave me never
And with him my life would be complete
No matter who else I would meet
And when I found him all the bad things in my past
Would disappear at last
And now I doubt that true love is real
Or at least it's something i'll never feel
I hope I meet him someday soon
Before my past consumes me and I live in gloom
I hope true love is real
And that someday I will feel.

Old poem of mine. (btw no longer looking for a guy have decided to stick with girls and found an amazing one)

 Bittersweet.    2011-03-03 09:46:01 ET
It's like a bittersweet romance
Just don't be fooled at first glance
Look at it's beauty, the way it shines
Watch it make perfect little lines
Hear the way it sounds as it slides across the surface
Finally it feels as though it's found a purpose
Feel how strong it is against your skin
Do not hesitate to let it in
Yes it helps, but it's no super glue
The relief only lasts for a day or two
Then you must break the skin the skin once again
Do you wish now that you never let it in?

 A poem for a a friend.    2011-03-03 09:09:03 ET
I feel the blade against my arm
I feel the pressure, I mean no harm
Red tears fall from my skin
All over my arm where the blade has been
I still feel it there
But I no longer care
In here it's my own space
I have no need to hide my face
I pull down my sleeve, I'm not proud
There's someone outside they're getting loud
It's time to get up and open the door
I'm still tired and my arm is sore
But I no longer feel the anxity
It all goes away as the blood flows from me
Almost at the door
Blood is dripping on the floor
getting very dizzy now
I want to ask for help but don't know how
This time I must have gone too deep
I don't want to fall asleep
Starting to fade away
everything I see is turning gray
When they find the keys and open the door
Here is where they'll find me...
dead on the floor

 more poems :)    2011-03-02 09:28:34 ET
Nobody's Perfect

Where did I go wrong
Has it really been to long
For me to change
My whole life has rearranged
I'm falling apart like wet glue
It's time for me to srart anew
I feel like I'm in sinking sand
I need to reach out and grab a hand
I can't be here anymore
Because here I will never be able to soar
Yes I've made my share of mistakes
But at least I can admit them to your face
So you have no room to try and judge me
Nobody's perfect, can't you see

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