2004-04-14 18:16:59 ET

i've been up to alot. cleaning the room. supposedly its getting finished this weekend. i've been waiting 4+ years. and with every excuse in the book being made, i'm not too optimistic.

i got to hang out with inthia yesturday, which was good times. we may possibly hang out friday. we watched city of the lost children. (anyone who hasn't seen it. must.) and we ate spaghetti.

i'm in desperate need of money. and not being in school right now, really makes me aware of this. "hey, i should go.. oh wait... no money. no gas.... damn it."

i cleaned out my car, and added the dinosaurs to the front + fake grass. i really want to make a shark fin for my car too.

phantom's eye has a blood clot. which is really upsetting. hopefully she won't need it removed. please keep the little squeek in your thoughts.

the ferrets and being insane. and thank god cause at home they are the only thing that make me smile. it'll be great when i get my own apartment and they can have their own room. or at least mega section. i've been looking at these cool impossible to climb out fencing.

gah. freaking a. i need a vacation. never mind that i'm on spring break. what i like to call not actually being at school, but still having one million things to do. thanks alot fuckers.

this is your end point
2004-04-08 16:02:12 ET

i juts lost it, and tol dmy mom half of everything i'm feeling. she's i think finally heard me and soon i'll be seeing an actual psychologist. she told me some things i suspected. i just really want a. "L" out of my head. i think about him way too much. in an unhealthy way. (L is the ex-boyfriend that strung me along, made me believe something that wasn't there, that i loved, and fed me everything i needed but didn't mean any of it. that relationship has a serious scar mark in my life. nice christian boys are never nice. they want to corrupt.) b. to build some self-esteem and become confident in myself. c. to become content. d. to not be an emotional wreck. e. have my creativity come pouring out of my body again.

i cleaned, cried, and listened to fischerspooner. which makes me believe that i someday will be happy and making wacky art.

i did really well on my speech midterm and possibly bombed my english midterm. i officially can say i hate 99.999% of all poetry.

tonight i go out to dance, because i need to sweat. i plan on kicking my ass tonight, so that tomarrow i can't move.

2004-04-08 05:27:58 ET

i fell asleep with my light on in my room. this caused me to have really fucked up scary dreams, get the absolute worst night of sleep ever, and wake up with a bad kink in my neck.

zombies and really really scary alieans all in one dream is a bit much. i woke up completely freaked out.

i need a good cuddle and some asprin.

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