i cant think of a title2004-11-27 14:37:46 ET

i dont remember what i was ganna post but im posting anyway
all i have to do is figure out what i wanted to post then we'll be all set.....
we dont have carbonated water at mcDs today or yesterday so we have no sodas.
my main manager is back from vacation so now i have to work my way back up the employee chain just to do the stuff i was doing last weekend
her name is margo
oh i remembered... ok i called home to tell my aunt to pick me up from work, and she says Eric will pick me up, i was like no he wont. and she had the nerve and ignorance to ask me why not
i was this close. . to say oh my fucking god [the dots are my fingers]
but one of my managers was standing right there and i wasnt about to say because he molested me way back when and i dont feel comfortable riding alone with him.
its like what the fuck shes known about it for about a year maybe more.
anyway back to margo
she treats me like she doesnt need me, and i feel like shes trying to get me to quit but i have to earn $7000 before i can quit this damn job.
so as soon as i came in this morning she said go ahead and stay in the lobby
i mean is it just me or does that sound like "i dont want you back here messing shit up"...?
anyway im trying not to dwell on the shit she says and does but she had me sweeping the fucking parking lot!!!!! what the hell. i actually asked someone else what the purpose of me sweeping the parkinglot was and they were straight with me saying shes just trying to keep me busy
i was like thank you for telling me and i went inside and asked if i could stock or something, she said no but you can go on break. at this point in shivering and rubbing my hands together so i said ok. lol
anyway after i got off break she put me back in the lobby and said stay there.
i was screaming in my head but i said ok and went to the lobby
she doesnt understand that if she just leaves me to do what ever i was doing, because i was actually in the middle of doing something productive when she told me to go back into the lobby, if she had just let me work i would have been productive all day but instead she has me doing stupid things like sweeping clean floors and wiping down clean tables, because of one incident on my second day where i didnt know where something was and i stopped to think about it next to the ice machine. i dont know what it was but im guessing i was looking for the blue bucket. thats what we use to carry ice to the drivethrough booth. anyway i talked to loreina about it alittle, shes a manager too, and she asked me why dont i talk to her about it i was like no way im not about to talk to her about it, i was like she might fire me. lol, im guessing she talked to margo because latter on at about 2 maybe 3 she put me in drivethrough when Aaron left. he was in drive thourgh at the time. i was like thank you very much. so i got to do drive through until 5. i dont know why but i feel hot instead of cold when others are like hace frio or oh my god its so cold
anyway that was my day and i thought i should share it before my head explode
any comments are welcome...

ways i used to feel...2004-11-26 12:44:07 ET

painful stares with hurtful glares
are unconsciously killing me
words keep stabbing me
why wont they leave me be
they have no right but i cant fight
frozen with fright
then i lose sight
but what can you do when you doubt youself?

i am worthless, undeserving of blessings
all i am good for is an emotional punching bag
i am nothing but worthless trash
everyone knows it
all i do is screw up
i fuck everything up
whatever it is, its my fault
if its bad its my fault
i was born to suffer
and cause suffering
i dont want to be her anymore
theyd all be happy

the truth of the matter is that nobody is happy when someone dies, unless they are sick and cruel people. i know sometimes people feel like shit but if you feel like shit for along time there could be a serious problem with your dopamine, and your nervous system... in other words you could have depression, or manic depression, or you could just have anxiety problems... the fact of the matter is everyone deserves to be happy, and no one person can ruin everything or even everything they come in contact with.

sweet2004-11-25 14:59:42 ET

this is a real poster people... check out more like this on allposters.com look on the left, click on college then on party posters i like the one in the middle of page 6

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