2005-12-24 08:13:22 ET

another xxxmas.
i'll be far too sober and far too alone
the boy comes up for New Years eve. i have to work during the holidays so i wont be able to visit him. i hate living 8 hours away from him.
*le sigh*
it'll be hanging out with the room mate making an interesting dinner and watching movies. wont be bad. i already had xmas anyway since my mom just mailed me all my presents and i unwrapped them already. meh.

Other than that, life is so completely unexciting its disgusting.
I really really really wish i had some pot to smoke. that'd be swell.
I bought 2 grams the other night, and while fishing for money in my pocket, i think it fell out and its lost. *sigh*

life goes on.
I called my nanny yesterday to say merry christmas. she was delighted. its nice to hear her happy and stuff. no one think i'm sappy like that. its funny.

hope everyone has a good holiday.
watch out for the smurfs. they sneak up on you this time of year.

desperation2005-12-07 06:41:19 ET

3 caffeine pills
2 ephedrine
1 bigass jolt cola

this really really can't be good for me. but i'm absolutely exhausted.
my bloodsugar levels are normal (even after drinking the jolt)...god i hate being diabetic.

they've been screwing around with my work shifts lately. they keep me at the same type of shift for a week at a time, but they really like to mix things up week by week and its really fucking with my body. boo to that.

otherwise, things are great. looking forward to seeing lee and skyler (boyfriend and his daughter) in a couple weeks.

my work xmas party is this saturday. my room mate is coming with me. should be good times. Interesting times, at least.
i'm starving. lunch in 20 minutes. other than that, my new hat rocks.

2005-12-06 09:55:12 ET

today is just one of those days i could really do without being at work

i dont like the fact that xmas is approaching so quickly. its sad but most of my friends/family knows that my gifts will come to them in the new year as i'm commpletely fucking broke. i feel bad, but its been taking me a long time to get caught up on my finances.
I'm so glad the boyfriend is paying for my busticket to spend the holidays with him and his family and his little girl.

I think after work, i'm heading to the gym. a good workout for a couple hours if i have the energy will make me feel a thousand times better.
that being said, i've been absolutely exhausted and i dont know why.
they took me off early morning shifts and put me on afternoon-night shifts next week. like 3-11 type deal. that'll be better, but will suck at the same time.

oh well. money's money.
I need a hug, dammit.
and a glass of wine. ;)

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