The way we were...
2006-02-23 15:31:48 ET

Radar Love ~ Golden Earring

"I've been drivin' all night, my hand's wet on the wheel
There's a voice in my head that drives my heel
It's my baby callin', says I need you here
And it's a half past four and I'm shiftin' gear
When she is lonely and the longing gets too much
She sends a cable comin' in from above
Don't need no phone at all
We've got a thing that's called Radar Love
We've got a wave in the air, Radar Love
The radio is playing some forgotten song
Brenda Lee's comin' on strong
The road has got me hypnotized
And I'm speedin' into a new sunrise
When I get lonely and I'm sure I've had enough
She sents her comfort comin' in from above
We don't need no letter at all
We've got a thing that's called Radar Love
We've got a light in the sky

No more speed, I'm almost there
Gotta keep cool now, gotta take care
Last car to pass, here I go
And the line of cars drove down real slow
And the radio played that forgotten song
Brenda Lee's comin' on strong
And the newsman sang his same song
Oh one more radar lover gone
When I get lonely and I'm sure I've had enough
She sents her comfort comin' in from above
We don't need no letter at all
We've got a thing that's called Radar Love
We've got a light in the sky
We've got a thing that's called Radar Love
We've got a thing that's called Radar Love"
4 comments

Duh
2006-02-22 17:29:50 ET

New Math: Me = dumber than a box of rocks.

Fool in the Rain ~ Led Zeppelin

"Well there's a light in your eye that keeps shining
Like a star that can't wait for a night
I hate to think I've been blinded baby
Why can't I see you tonight
And the warmth of your smile starts a-burnin'
And the thrill of your touch gives me fright
And I'm shaking so much, really yearning
Why don't you show up, make it all right, yeah, it's all right, all right

And if you promised you'd love so completely
And you said you would always be true
You swore that you never would leave me, baby
What ever happened to you
And you thought it was only in movies
As you wish all your dreams would come true, hey
It ain't the first time believe me, baby
I'm standin' here feeling blue, blue
Ha, yeah, I'm blue, hoh, baby

Now I will stand in the rain on the corner
I'll watch the people go shuffling downtown
Another ten minutes no longer
And then I'm turning around, 'round
The clock on the wall's moving slower
Oh, my heart it sinks to the ground
And the storm that I thought would blow over
Clouds the light of the love that I found, found
Light of the love that I found
Light of the love that I found
Ohhhh, that I found

Oooh, hand that ticks on the clock
Just don't seem to stop
When I'm thinking it over

Oooh, tired of the light
I just don't seem to find
Have you wait, get away

Whoa oooh, I see it in my dreams
But I just don't seem to be with you
You I gotta get it all
Gotta get it all, gotta get it all
I've got to get all

Ooh, now my body is starting to quiver
And the palms of my hands getting wet, ohh
I've got no reason to doubt you baby
It's all a terrible mess
An' I'll run in the rain till I'm breathless
When I'm breathless I'll run till I drop, hey
The thoughts of a fool's kind of careless
I'm just a fool waiting on the wrong block, ohhhhhh yeah
Hey now, ohhhhhh-hoh

Light of the love that I found"

7 comments

"Ain't it hell when I'm gone?"
2006-02-20 20:08:14 ET

Things I Miss:

ratty sneakers
too short pants
concert t-shirts
long car rides
socks with holes
wrinkled shirts
singing the radio
looking for CD's in the car
holding hands
getting lost on accident
getting lost on purpose
funny facial hair
eating in the car
strong fore-arms
his face in the moonlight interior of the car
compassion
understanding
being caught stealing glances
spontaneous "you know"
gentleness
our cat
the black hat (backwards and frontwards)
record hunting
flea market hopping
comic book shopping
windows down despite having an air-conditioner
fighting
playing John-Calvin Ball while fighting
sarcasm
mexican food
dancing
love letters
love letters disguised as mix tapes
hiking
swimming
the hollow of his neck where I fit so perfectly
walking in parks
daydreaming under the stars
car shows
outdoor fairs
amusement parks
laughing
broom closets
the ever elusive "him"

Things I Don't Miss:
selfishness
being lied to
broken promises
secrecy

(hrm...kinda evens out doesn't it?)

Bad Day ~ Daniel Powter

"Where is the moment we need at the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day"



1 comment

"My silence is my self-defense"
2006-02-20 07:03:10 ET

"If your intentions are pure...I'm seeking a friend for the end of world." ~ Chris Cornell

"Your greatest love is not necessarily your longest" ~ Joss Whedon

What a night...

Sick and apparently delerious I swooned amidst a fog of circling happy memories. When I finally fell asleep it was only to be faced with dreams all night long. Dreams about everything we have lost. Dreams that bordered on nightmares; him always in the background but never turning to face me - me following him and him never turning back to answer my calling. Funny, now how in hindsight I can see that all the songs I was attracted to during our life together only forshadowed this tragedy. All of these exacerbated of course by the fact that I have to play for someone else's wedding on Saturday and my lovely wedding gown is hanging alone in the shop...

What is that that all mothers say: "Never let a boy mean more to you than you mean to him. He has to love you more, or it won't work." truth be told, it's one of the only things I now truly believe in. I think that statement totally negates all I will now write, but I'm going to write it anyways.

I wonder if I will ever find that passion again. I wonder if I will ever find that kind of love again. It was proverbial love at fist sight - "Siamese soul lovers". We broke up twice, averted a summer of hell and still, my whole face used to light up when ever I saw him. I would literally skip down the stairs to throw open the door to meet him, eyes shining. When he held me, my heart felt so full I thought I might explode. I truly loved him and took with that love all that it entailed. My cabbie never let happiness be far from us, even during the fighting. Even after all the years we spent together, each kiss was brand new and yet carried with it all the kisses before it. Every moment was an adventure no matter what we were doing. Every place we visited we saw with the same eyes. We worked as a team, as one unit. He drove and I read the map; he worked and I read the directions. He held my hand and I followed. Now, he won't even look at me and after all the good I gave to him and we had together I just can't understand how he relegated me to the level of trash. You would think he would be falling over himself to get that back. Can you get this stupid? He's losing me in his silence. Then perhaps there is always the disasterous idea that he never loved me at all. That this was just a big show he concocted in order to get out of the promise he made to marry me. But, then I hold on to these words "I will come back for you because you are my one true love." People don't say things like that unless they mean them right? There is still hope, right? There is still hope...**sighs deeply** ah, denile.

Honestly, I don't know if I have the desire to exert that kind of energy on someone different. How, after you've found your soul-mate and had him die on you do you go on? I remember long before I ever read it, saying to him "you are going to die young and leave me all alone". How do you live and function within another relationship knowing that it can never be that way with someone else - that someone else will never be him? How do you muster the energy to love like that again? My darling is gone, his stone around my neck and someone else is knocking on my door. Do I open this Pandora's box?

Miss Being Mrs. ~ Loretta Lynn
"I lie here all alone,
In my bed of memories
Iím dreaminí of your sweet kiss,
Oh, how you loved on me.

I can almost feel you with me,
Here in this blue moonlight,
Oh, I miss being Mrs., tonight

Like so many other hearts,
Mine wanted to be free,
Iíve been put here every day,
Since youíve been away from me

My reflection in the mirror,
Itís such a hurtful sight,
Oh I miss being Mrs. tonight
Oh I miss being Mrs. tonight

And how I loved them loving arms,
That once held me so tight,
I took off my wedding band,
And put it on my right hand,
I miss being Mrs. tonight.

Oh I miss being Mrs. tonight
And how I loved them loving arms,
That once held me so tight,
I took off my wedding band,
And put it on my right hand,
I miss being Mrs. tonight
Oh, I miss being Mrs. tonight"


And So It Goes ~ Billy Joel
"In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time Iíve held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
Itís just as well for all Iíve seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And youíre the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
Thatís if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And youíre the only one who knows"

Good As I Was To You ~ Lori Morgan
"She drove up to the restaurant where they use to dine
He was sitting at the table with someone new this time
She walked up right beside him her face did not turn red
She looked at him so calmly and this is what she said

Good as I was to you is this the thanks I get?
Are all the years we shared so easy to forget?
Does this mean that you've won?
Are you finally having fun?
Is she your dream come true?
Oh, she sure looks good but she won't ever be
Good as I was to you

The room got awfully quiet and everybody stared
Finally the waiter said, "Should I bring another chair."
She said, "No. I was just leaving." but as she walked out the door
She said, "Honey, you can have him I don't want him anymore."

Good as I was to you Is this the thanks I get?
Are all the years we shared so easy to forget?
Is this the way it's done? Looking out for number one?
Did you think it through?
Oh, she sure looks good but she won't ever be
Good as I was to you,

Does this mean that you've won?
Are you finally having fun?
Is she your dream come true?
Oh, she sure looks good but she won't ever be
Good as I was to you
Good as I was to you"

Oh crap...
2006-02-18 15:15:11 ET

Holy Shit...I used to write really good poetry! What the hell happened?

http://www.angelfire.com/blog/punklove1980/punklove1980/index.blog?start=1075752319
1 comment

A diatribe
2006-02-18 15:06:08 ET

Before:

Scratch my soul
My Jacob Grace
Passť vaults of ordinary
Boring and forced by decisions
Need not apply.
Let every kiss be an accident.
Let unpredictability destroy
What I thought I knew
Laugh when I cuss
Adore me when I growl
I beg you please
Make it real
Make it different

After: "This Generation's Love Story"

Jacob Grace died alone
in his ocean of deciet.
The man who scratched Trixie's soul
has left his body behind
never to be found.
Trixie cried the ocean forth
from the hole left in her soul.
Madeline and Simone don't
use the swingset in the yard anymore
time has ticked on by
leaving the swings rusted
and the museums closed for the season.
Even the Jersey pinball machines have shown their age.
Trixie smooth talked the saints
she goldentongued the Lord God Almighty
But, she had to keep going.
1 comment

Appropriateness
2006-02-18 11:21:55 ET

Appropriate line stolen from a poem posted by onemind-numbinglass who did not reveal the name of the writer.

"Loving yourself is the easy way through
Pleasing the unknown is the harder thing to do"
2 comments

Thunder Road
2006-02-17 03:10:11 ET

On the day you finally arrive
Thunder Road laid out before us
I hope for your sake I am home
and for mine
that I'm not.

Lyrics I have in my head...
2006-02-15 15:57:10 ET

Size Matters ~ Joe Nichols

Someday she wants a big ol' house sittin' on a big ol' hill,
And a mile long tree lined driveway for her big ol' Coupe DeVille.
Yeah, someday she wants a big ol' bank account with too much to spend,
But right now all she wants is a man.

With a big ol' heart, who can love her like nobody can.
Big ol' kisses that go on and on and never end.
With a big ol' smile, he'll fill her world with laughter:
Size matters; size matters.

Someday, she wants a big ol' ring with a big ol' rock that shines,
And a big ol' walk-in closet with shoes of every kind.
Yeah, someday she wants a big ol' boat where she can lay around gettin' a tan,
But right now all she wants is a man.

With a big ol' heart, who can love her like nobody can.
Big ol' kisses that go on and on an' never end.
With a big ol' smile, he'll fill her world with laughter:
Size matters; size matters.

With a big ol' heart, who can love her like nobody can.
Big ol' kisses that go on and on an' never end.
With a big ol' smile, he'll fill her world with laughter:
Size matters; size matters.
Size matters.


Hands To Heaven ~ Breathe

As I watch you move, across the moonlit room
There's so much tenderness in your loving
Tomorrow I must leave, the dawn knows no reprieve
God give me strength when I am leaving...

So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday

Tonight, I need your sweet caress
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
You relieve my sadness

As we move to embrace, tears run down your face
I whisper words of love, so softly
I can't believe this pain, it's driving me insane
Without your touch, life will be lonely

So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday

Tonight, I need your sweet caress
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
You relieve my sadness

Morning has come, another day
I must pack my bags and say goodbye...

love...
2006-02-15 15:51:08 ET

Have decided that I am in love with the "I like the way you move" Coca Cola spokesboy.
5 comments

Happy Valentine's Day
2006-02-14 03:35:55 ET

I stole this quote from MattHolck (I don't know where he got it from):

I thought it was appropriate for Valentine's Day!
Have a great day everyone!

"He handed her 12 roses, 11 real and 1 fake and said, "I'll love you till the last one dies."
5 comments

Well, shit...
2006-02-11 18:34:44 ET

Well, THAT'S certainly new.
Someone else's spit is on my lip gloss.
Hasn't been this way in some time.
It's more than a little bizarre.
It's more than a little offsetting.
A bit discombobulating, a bit awkward
with all it's drippy newness and possibility.
A small bit sooner than expected
but not unworth a try.


**Also found and purchased two Harry Chapin records today! YAY!**
4 comments

Short rant
2006-02-10 18:17:26 ET

Ranting - by: me

It must have been rather fulfilling to write me off, in 30 lines or less. It must have been just thrilling to vindicate yourself by writing a letter worthy only of an extra piece of toilet paper. I should like to show as little regard for you as you have for me. I should like to set fire to your comic collection, steal back my cat and break all your records. Perhaps if I destroy something you have loved you might know the same kind of hurt you have caused. Justice.

2 comments

A poem by me
2006-02-10 18:04:04 ET

Pyromaniac Son

I have this picture of you
all dressed up in childhood
playing house as children do.
I always played the mother
and you the child.
I accepted your feeble, childish gifts
knowing you could give no better,
and you adored wide-eyed
the mother who kept you safe
believing that no abuse would exhaust my love for you.
Spring now turned to winter
and orphaned are we in the pale chill.
your wildfires burned our playhouse to the ground, my pyromaniac son.
Separated in the panic we are wandering in the ashes.
Greyish soot cakes our feet; What have you done?
The fire you promised to tend has been drowned out beyond my salvation.
All the matches are gone; burned in the fire left wild in the wind.
All we had is charred, dripping cold icicles in the winter gales.
Silence has settled upon this pyre.
Let us leave it undisturbed.

Southernmost ~ The Lucksmiths

"Remember when forever seemed just fine?
Seen through glasses of rose coloured wine
Theyíd sit up all night talking
Now sheís sound asleep to the sound of his walkman

And every single weekend
The divide between them deepens
A curse across the kitchen
He might still be within spitting distance
But thereís only one way to find out..."
2 comments

Life is like TV ...sort of
2006-02-10 03:32:04 ET

I always knew that keeping these quotes around would come in handy one day for explaning _something_.

So I keep having this dream that goes remarkably like this one although slightly different.


"In the dream I keep having about Jordan Catalano, I'm trying to catch up
with him... but it's hard, because there's something wrong with the floor
[shows shoes glued to the floor]. Sometimes my father's there. Sometimes
my great Aunt Gertrude's funeral kinda gets mixed in with it. The end of the dream is always the same. I catch up with him. I yell and scream -- how he hurt and betrayed me, how I can never forgive him. He just stands there, like someone caught in a storm who's stopped caring how wet he gets. Then I wake up. The storm of words still pounds through my body."
-- Angela (MSCL - Ep. #1-19)

Then I dream that somehow he gets his brains back...(not likely)

--THE LETTER (MSCL - Ep. #1-19)

"Dear Angela,

I know in the past I've caused you pain, and I'm sorry. And I'll
always be sorry til the day I die. And I hate this pen I'm holding, because I should be holding you. I hate this paper under my hand because it isn't you. I even hate this letter because it's not the whole truth. Because the whole truth is so much more than a letter can even say. If you wanna hate me, go ahead. If you wanna burn this letter, do it. You could burn the whole world down. You could tell me to go to hell. I'd go. If you wanted me to. And I'd send you a letter from there.

Sincerely,

Jordan Catalano"

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