2003-03-10 21:16:28 ET

We're now moving on to short stories in my creative writing class.

so, dear reader(s),
expect some odd things on this page, for sure.

I don't like stories. too hard to control. too many facets. even in my "film" I never have a "story" per-say.

I enjoy, rather, exploring the intricacies of inter-relationships and personal realizations in life.
the minutia that make up our lives facinate me,
and I would rather write a poem, or a make a video, studying a person's singular reaction to an event, rather than the conflict and struggle the person(s) take on to reach a goal.

I have no real goals in life...
I have things I'd like to do, places I'd like to go, people I'd like to fuck (over), but no goals.
if these things I'd like to happen never do, I can deal with that. it's not a crisis,
and not a conflict.

Last year, though, I wrote a great simple short story about a man who regrets not putting a dime in a bum's sax case.

maybe I'll post it if I get bored enough...
but was that enough for a full story? I don't think so. it was just a passing vision.
like life.

I've been meaning to write this -
Living the Dream

through hell and high water
over canyon and creek
we've come with determination
to claim that which we seek.

an aspiration to a goal
a cloud to which we reach
just look into my eyes
you won't need a grand speech

it's sacrifice and determination
it's plans and schemes
it's pain and wonder
when you're living the dream

a fight against reality
the truth that won't renege
knowing what you want
could quite possibly leave you dead

is it worth it?
all the strife?
all you've given up
in your life?

to try to gain
some insight,
into God's eye;
His sight?

a knowing of the world
a connection with the stream
we've become whole.
we're living the dream
1 comment

The Card Cheat
2003-03-06 12:04:59 ET

There's a solitary man crying, "Hold me."
It's only because he's lonely
If the keeper of time runs slowly
He won't be alive for long!

If he only had time to tell of all of the things he planned
With a card up his sleeve, what would he achieve?
It means nothing!

To the opium den and the barroom gin
In the Belmont chair playing violins
The gambler's face cracks into a grin
As he lays down the king of spades
But the dealer just stares - There's something wrong here, he thinks
The gambler is seized and forced to his knees and shot dead

He only wanted more time away from the darkest door
But his luck it gave in as the dawn light crept in
And he lay on the floor

From the Hundred Year War to the Crimea
With a lance and a musket and a Roman spear
To all of the men who have stood with no fear
In the service of the King

Before you met your fate be sure you
Did not forsake..... your lover...
May not be around anymore

There's a solitary man crying, "Hold me."
It's only because he's lonely
If the keeper of time runs slowly
He won't be alive for long!

- Joe Strummer

2003-03-05 20:43:48 ET

a biting chill
from the cold night air.
there's blood on the snow,
and I don't care.

a stench on the wind
it's only rotting flesh
I'm allowed the bread
but hide it, nevertheless.

It's tough to live
when everyone dies
but you must keep on
for the sake of their lives.

the man with the gun
crying children in the dark
we're being wiped out
for being who we are.

"work will make you free," he said,
but that was obviously a lie
for the more of us they bring to work
the more of us go to die.

we once prayed for a savior
we hoped that he would come
if he doesn't come more quickly
I fear we'll all be done.

a german rifle snap
pierces me through the air
there's blood on the snow
and I don't care

2003-03-05 20:16:37 ET

no, I'm not strong, I just have a thick wall of apathy to lean against.

yeah... I try to stay away from poetry, cause it often leads to
a) whining
b) crappy poetry.
and I'm too critical of any art, especially that which comes from me.
99% is crap, but most people don't catch on to that, and that's why it's perpetuated.

I still want to write something about "living the dream"
cause more and more, it feels like I'm fighting the dream.
or at least, fighting to keep dreaming.
losing faith in what you want?
a bit.
Just tired and disillusioned.
Guess that comes with moving on in life.

just a little left over teenage angst.
I think Kurt Cobain knew something about that.
feeling like you missed something
when everyone else is telling you you've found it.
knowing your time is short
and not knowing how to make the most of it.
all the pressures of the world
and none of it's repsonsibilities
stigma, abuse and ridicule
with all of the reprocussions.
The power to change the world,
and lacking the will to try...

I just want to make sure I'm not wasting my time here.

2003-03-03 11:36:18 ET

More Poetry, since I haven't been keeping up -
The first is a song, the second, a poem, about the same subject.

Second Chance

Letís give it another Try
we donít have the time
to let time pass by.

Weíve waited so long
what have I done wrong
this isnít a line
letís give it
another try

we risked it once
I see what you mean
if youíll give me your trust
I know that youíll see

In Twenty six months
a man can change
the things that I said
they donít mean the same

I promise you the truth
No more head-games
Do you promise to me
to try to stay

until you make another pass
when I have the chance to ask
Letís give it another try

I see it in your eyes
itís in your voice
and the very way you move
when youíre around me.

am I that obvious
when I sit next to you,
and cast sideways glances.
or the way I try not to laugh
At the old days
we had.

It seems we both want to ask
but neither can take that step
can we give it another try?

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