2011-02-23 14:59:25 ET

talked to matt for a bit last night. nothing big just comic book stuff. he said everything is still shitty, but he also said he's reading some books for the future college classes he wants to take. I think that's good and i hope he gets to go. and i hope i get to be in his life to see him graduate.

All the small things2011-02-21 16:17:13 ET

All those small things that drove me up the wall about Matt don't matter anymore.

I don't care that he didn't always cuddle me before falling asleep.

I don't care that he stayed up til 230 am beating a game on PS3.

I don't care that he didn't overindulge my stupid girly side. (I'm grateful for that actually.)

I don't care that he lives in Canada and I live here.

I don't care that he sometimes got too involved with computer games to have an in-depth conversation.

I don't care about any of it. I just want it all back. Farts, video games, smelly socks, and all.

2011-02-21 15:08:26 ET

Called a bellydance school here and am going to check out a class tomorrow night. Pretty excited about that. I need to start dancing again. I miss it.

I know I need to do thing for myself and not just sit, but in an odd way I feel like I'm leaving Matt behind because he doesn't know I'm doing this. He doesn't know any of my life lately and I have so many things I wanna tell him.

I just miss him. Terribly.

But hopefully the dance class and the international festival this weekend will help distract me from the Matt shaped hole in my heart and life.

now what?2011-02-20 10:54:56 ET

I wish there was a way to keep myself permanently occupied.

When I come home and wanna tell Matt about my day or when I'm going to bed and I wanna hear he loves me before I fall asleep is the worst.

just on tv: "if you always just give up rather than try, nothing will ever be worth it."

thank you random movie for saying that.

Oh Canada...2011-02-20 06:48:17 ET

I really do miss it. Matt aside, I do love the place. I know I'm going against everything American here, but I'm still considering moving there even if Matt doesn't work out. I loved Toronto when I was there and I'm def going back to visit as soon as I can.

Maybe I can get a job there through the company I already work for.

Just some thoughts...
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