what is wrong with the world?2011-02-19 10:15:42 ET

I am so sick of everyone telling me that Matt is just handing me a line and just being a dick. I really don't think he is. And I'm sorry that you've been fucked over by a shitty guy...so have I.

I understand that to the outsider it looks like Matt is just patting me on the head and moving on, but I doubt it.

When did it become SUCH a crime to trust someone you love? Why should I just automatically resort to assuming he's complete shit just because he's having a hard time and we broke up? He's never been shit to me, lied to me, or anything...so why the hell would he just automatically start doing that now?

And I'm sooo sick of hearing "well...as a guy...that's a line.." yeah because all guys are exactly alike and are complete assholes. Just like every girl is a gold digging whore who cheats. Yep. That's totally right.

I'm sick of being labeled as a soppy idiot for trusting Matt and waiting to see what happens with him.

If he is feeding me a line, then yes, he's a dick. But if he's not, I'm not going to pass up this chance to be there for him and just throw him out like trash.

Why don't people believe in love anymore? Matt is actually the person who restored my faith in love...

2011-02-17 15:37:13 ET

so long story short...matt and i broke up cause of some mental health and life issues he's having...

and i feel like someone told me i can't use my arm anymore...

he made it sound like once he fixes his life he would consider us again...but i'm a realist and i know that fixing himself could take years so i guess i'll just see how it goes....i know i can't wait for him forever...but i'm so terrified i'll never find someone who understood me that well. i've never felt safer, more loved, and more comfortable with myself around any other boyfriend i've had. and i will miss tristan too. he's so cute and i wish i could be in his life more...

i lost two people in this break up...i never thought i could get attached to a child who wasn't blood related to me...and the worst part was i know he got attached to me too....

Canada used to feel like home...now it's like the setting of a life i thought i'd have but maybe never will.

i just want it back...i've never felt so alone...he said he never stopped loving me...i'm just gonna file that under things i'm glad to know but hurt like a bitch...

2011-02-14 18:01:21 ET

God I just love you...please be ok...when you're not ok, i'm not ok. just get through this. i want to still love you at the end of this. i'm not done.

i'll love you through anything...even this. even if i'm the only one who does. i'll love you til the end.

always, always.
1 comment

new tattoo!2011-02-08 16:56:58 ET

Got the hearthstone symbol from WoW. Reminds me that I can always go home and the people I love are only a short distance away.


Fuck my life2011-02-05 20:40:25 ET

So I tried to reconnect with an ex last night only because we have a lot of the same friends and I wanted us to at least be civil. I told matt about it cause I didn't want him to think I was being sneaky. He said it was cool and we had a normal convo after and said I love you'd before hanging up.

Tonight when I talked to him he was super edgy and whenever I said I love him I got back "you too". Rly? I asked what was his deal and he said angrily "I'm fine " I was like "that's a lie but ok". I asked him once more what was wrong and he said I was bugging him. I told him that whatevers wrong don't take it out on me. He got all flustered and hung up.

He didn't answer when I called back. Great. I wish i knew what flipped his whole fucking attitude in the last 12 hours. If it's the ex thing it's kinda dumb cause he said he was ok with it. Whatever. Ugh.

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