2012-01-22 16:10:19 ET

I just want him to stay forever.

Ok, not forever. but for a long time.

365 project!2012-01-17 05:11:29 ET


2012-01-15 16:09:18 ET

I just like him so much and i'm all twittery and i just need to stop acting like a teenager at prom.


2012-01-15 04:20:21 ET

So ryan came over last night and stayed after everyone left. after some pretty good making out i told him he should go home.

he handled it well for what it was...but the fucked up thing is i wanted him to stay. but i'm SO terrified of him not caring about sex as much as i do.

So this morning, laying in bed, alone, i thought about it some.

my past relationship have been 0 to 60 in a week. aka, we meet, go on a date or two, then are in a relationship, and it just keeps going. i've had a guy propose to me after a second date. no lie.

I guess I'm used to guys wanting to move super fast and say the "L" word a month in and of course that never works out. It's too much too fast.

as important as sex is to me in a relationship, i've come to the realization that NOTHING real is ever perfect right away.

I realized i cared about ryan more than i thought i did, and i'm pretty sure he cares about me equally. it's NOT love. lol. it's just mutual feelings. and that's ok for right now.

2012 and 262012-01-14 04:11:13 ET

Today is my birthday! :D

I'm all old and 26. lol..."old" by St Louis standards..where everyone is married at 19. ugh.

Last year was really rough. Moving, breaking up with matt, all of it. But in the last few months I've learned a lot of things. I learned I can't hold current guys accountable for what past guys have done. The guy who made me see that isn't around anymore, but maybe that's how it should be. People who change your life move on and leave the path open for someone better who didn't hurt you or put you through the wringer.

I've been seeing this guy and he's pretty cool. It's nice to have let go of all the past crap and actually be able to see someone for who he is and not be constantly worried about finding something bad in them or waiting for them to hurt you.

so far, he's pretty much the bee's knees. :)


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