So ryan came over last night and stayed after everyone left. after some pretty good making out i told him he should go home.
he handled it well for what it was...but the fucked up thing is i wanted him to stay. but i'm SO terrified of him not caring about sex as much as i do.
So this morning, laying in bed, alone, i thought about it some.
my past relationship have been 0 to 60 in a week. aka, we meet, go on a date or two, then are in a relationship, and it just keeps going. i've had a guy propose to me after a second date. no lie.
I guess I'm used to guys wanting to move super fast and say the "L" word a month in and of course that never works out. It's too much too fast.
as important as sex is to me in a relationship, i've come to the realization that NOTHING real is ever perfect right away.
I realized i cared about ryan more than i thought i did, and i'm pretty sure he cares about me equally. it's NOT love. lol. it's just mutual feelings. and that's ok for right now.