More about me
2008-02-08 04:30:15 ET

I have been dying my hair blue off and on since I was about twelve and people have never really taken me seriously because of it.

My fatal flaw is I have a really big heart so it gets perpetually broken and broken hard. As the years go by I have become colder and harder than I would like to be.

I am undeniably addicted to electronic music and its corresponding cultures. My first favorite band was Information Society which my mother used to play in the car before I could tie my own shoes.

I started raving in my teens. I have gone to over three hundred of these gatherings and I have not once tried ecstacy. I just couldn't get enough of it until the scene kind of imploded into a mockery of itself and became the antithesis of everything it was supposed to represent.

A lot of the ravers I knew got me into punk,goth,industrial and other forms of the art. Once I was hooked I never really went all the way back, but every day I miss the way it used to be standing on top of a mesa in the middle of the desert watching the sunrise with wonderful people all around me. I still go a couple times a year, but it will never be the same.

I am waiting for the next dance music revolution and love watching it all evolve and want to contribute in any way I can.

I cannot fucking stand fake ass mother fuckers who's false sense of pride relies on nothing other than their superficial understanding of personal aesthetics, and application of said process to their selves.

Same thing goes for over made up hoochies with their pouty lips trying to look all tough, you don't look hot, you look like a fucking slut. sure it might appear to be somewhat appetizing to split a sausage into you, and that can take you places, but it doesn't necessarily mean anyone will truly love or respect you. Don't neglect what is in your brain.

I remember a time when those of us who looked different than the rest of the conformist zombies walking among us actually had someting rash and meaningful to say about the sorry state of affairs we were in, got off their asses and tried to do something about it- now most of those who poorly attempt to emulate our actions or styles do nothing but go partying or sit online trying to determine how popular they think they are. Nobody with any intelligence gives a shit. Stated individuals fail.

When we are dead and buried what would you like to be remembered for?

The world fucking sucks right now and it's our fault. Stop looking in the mirror for once and do something significant with your life, the clock is ticking and our generation is waiting for results.

How pretty you are or who you are practicing/functionally splicing genes with may be fun, but is rather inconsequential.

2008-02-08 05:00:23 ET

Welcome to SK

*touches you*

2008-02-08 05:10:13 ET


2008-02-08 05:29:10 ET

Welcome. Best first entry ever.

2008-02-08 05:31:29 ET

welcome to sk...

2008-02-08 05:57:52 ET

Great fucking first entry...

2008-02-08 06:04:43 ET

hola :::kneels:::
good 'un

love the anti-superficiality speech, quite the novelist

2008-02-08 06:57:40 ET

Please wipe your feet on the way in.

2008-02-08 07:03:18 ET

Good morning. Welcome to Sk

2008-02-08 08:19:11 ET

Welcome to SK. I'm one of those made up hoochies, for sure.

2008-02-08 10:40:34 ET

welcome doll face! ;-)

2008-02-08 14:36:13 ET

hello! it was nice to hear what you have to say... you should post pictures of your art work :-)
p.s.- I like your tattoo

2008-02-08 14:44:27 ET

Beautifully put--what a nice change to see someone here writing meaningful entries. Perhaps I will feel inspired to do the same once again :)


2008-02-09 21:25:09 ET

Welcome to SK :D
I find that a 24oz spray bottle full of water with a tablespoon of flour mixed in tends to come in handy around here. Especially when Turbo won't stop dry humping extremities.

Oddly enough the spray bottle is useless without the flour...

2008-02-09 22:26:20 ET

that sounds kinky d-:

2008-02-09 23:02:32 ET


2008-02-09 23:20:40 ET

welcome to sk!! Beautiful first entry, very meaningful and full of insight. =)

2008-02-10 03:02:20 ET

lol, Turbo does that sometimes, as we all do.

2008-02-10 21:11:13 ET

welcome to SK!

2008-02-11 15:06:07 ET

Welcome to subk.

2008-02-13 15:43:18 ET

Odd... the beginning of your entry sounded like a nice, calm person but then you suddenly became very angry and full of hate.

I was surprised.

Welcome to the asylum. Please don't feed the inmates.

2008-02-13 16:10:43 ET

i see no hate, only truth!

mostly in my pants.

2008-02-13 16:13:09 ET

"I cannot fucking stand fake ass mother fuckers..."

That sounds like hate to me... Just because something is true doesn't mean that it isn't fuelled by hatred/anger.

2008-02-13 16:40:41 ET

anger and hatred are separate things oft times...or it could just be angst. ah almighty angst!

2008-02-13 16:45:52 ET

You think they're usually separate? (of course you do... you just said it... I guess that was a rhetorical question....)

Maybe it's just what's been going on through my head for the past few days/weeks now but I tend to think that they're usually very related.

Usually if someone... wait... how can you possibly hate something if it doesn't make you angry?

(I was thinking of fear and hatred when I first started typing this.... I think I need food... and no, I've already typed it out... I can't go back and delete it.)

2008-02-13 18:31:27 ET

its actually really easy to hate something without being angry at it. pure hatred at its highest level seems to me to be more about total apathy towards something moreso than anger. that and anger seems to have more potential productive values if used correctly than hate. hate to me is just pointless.

2008-02-13 20:39:40 ET

Anger is pointless, it baffles the mind. Hate is productive. Often it produces negative results that only benefit the one who hates.

2008-02-13 21:01:46 ET

hate is useless because it only creates a cyclical problem. the person who hates is just contributing to the problem by hating it. adversity accomplishes nothing in the long run but more adversity.

anger can be used for good depending on what is done with it. there's a big difference between productive anger and destructive anger. for example, one can be angry about something that is unproductive or unhelpful and then actively work to change it. in this case i don't feel that the anger is counter-productive. emotions only become unproductive when they're dictating actions and overriding logic. hate, however, so far as i'm concerned, is inherently illogical.

2008-02-13 21:07:53 ET

Illogical but focused. Like you said: hate is to have total apathy. A lack of emotion where one can make rational decisions granted for irrational reasons but fruitful nonetheless. Of course it will lead to self destruction but not until after it's made some damage.
Consider the nazis.

2008-02-13 21:18:23 ET

i find rants like this to be very revealing because of the way you talk about these experiences describing yourself. this in particular, "false sense of pride relies on nothing other than their superficial understanding of personal aesthetics, and application of said process to their selves." are you not using your own experiences with raves, hoochies, and looking different to fuel your false sense of pride? because this rant sounds like you think you're better than everyone because of your expeiences. getting off on the inadequecies of others is not where confidence is found. saying the world sucks right now is a really shitty attitude to have considering this is where you are at right now. you better make the best of it and put in perspective where we are at in time consideing there is nothing we can about it(time) but continue to make it better and life IS better now if you look at the past. blaming does nothing except waste time. but i will say, your post did stir something enough in me to make me respond, welcome.

2008-02-13 21:23:07 ET

Apathy is having no feelings toward something one way or the other... you can't be uncaring toward something that you hate - which is an emotion.

Hate is generally useless. Sometimes necessary. IE: the only people that I truly hate are the three different people that killed friends of mine. I don't generally hate something because something that I don't like isn't worth my attention.

Various things will get me angry. Anger can be used in good and useful ways. It will give people passion for things, it will drive them to change what they don't like. Anger is a necessary emotion otherwise people would become apathetic toward things and would end up not caring about anything.

2008-02-13 21:24:35 ET

Hey mr. inspector sir: do you consider hate as being the opposite of love due to it being on the reverse side of the emotional spectrum or because it's the opposite of emotion itself (as in a lack of)

2008-02-13 21:29:10 ET

Hate is not a lack of emotion. It is one of the strongest you can feel.

It is the opposite of love because hating something is having as strong a negative reaction as loving is having a positive reaction toward something.

2008-02-13 21:34:48 ET

Hmm, well then if hate is not a motivator like anger then love is not a productive emotion either.

2008-02-13 21:38:42 ET

*blink blink*

When did I say that hate is not a motivator? If you truly hate something it will be more of a motivator... it will drive you to do things that you normally wouldn't do... it can create feelings in you that you have never felt before... it can cause you to act in completely irrational ways.

Just as love can.

2008-02-13 21:41:26 ET

Yes but you said yourself that hate is useless. Not just what hate brings but merely to hate as well.
So which is it?

2008-02-13 21:44:01 ET

You might want to recheck what you're quoting.

"Hate is generally useless. Sometimes necessary."
-W. Savant

Taking the word 'generally' out of that sentence really changes the meaning.

2008-02-13 21:56:01 ET

(I like how you quoted yourself :D)

What overall good ever comes from hate though? It's only useful for the person who hates to think of something to benifit himself and/or his sense of pride. Which in the end damages even the person himself.

Then again the nazis did boost the german economy. And they gave us the volkswagon.

2008-02-13 21:57:02 ET

Anti -- I think I thought of a better way to explain it to you...

Feeling hatred toward a lot of different things is counterproductive because it will distract you from being able to do anything about any of them.... you'll be juggling too many things at once.
And to go at it from the other end of the spectrum: Think of the guy that goes out to the bar and falls in love with a girl every weekend... he will likely never get married nor find a life partner because he loves too many different people.

2008-02-13 22:00:46 ET

hate is an emotion. love is an emotion. doesn't mean you have to act on it. i guess you could have hate towrds something that is morally wrong and do something to change it to make it right. i think hate can distroy a person, when you have such strong negative feelings towards something it can only manifest in more negative ways unless channeled positively like as i stated.

2008-02-13 22:03:26 ET

Let's say someone kills one of your friends and the justice system locks the person up for 5 1/2 years because of it. (You know, it was his first offence... it wasn't planned... he just randomly decided to kill her because he thought that she had stolen his drugs. He raped her body afterwards 'cause he's a sick and twisted fucker...) You grow to hate that man and that he received such a light sentence. You then go on and try to change that... you can protest, start petitions, get your voice heard through many different ways. You can use the hatred you feel toward that man to go out and change something. Even if it's something as small as changing yourself to realize how important people are to you. When you start to forget that you can think of your hatred toward the killer and be reminded why it's important to tell someone that you love them every time you say goodbye.

Oh, and for the record: Her name was Katie Kaminski, the killers name is William Carr.
The second time it happened (but the killer got an actual sentence) her name was Breann Voth and his name was Derek Post.

I with them both and they were amazing human beings.

2008-02-13 22:04:48 ET

As fun as this is, though, I'm quite sleepy.

"Sometimes" also seems innapropriate for that statement. "but can be" would have been better and would have prevented fragmentation.

"Because grammer is knowledge, and knowledge is power!"

(Yes I'm aware that how it's said contradicts what is said but it's how you say it so whatever)

Anyhoo I'm gonna have to get back this tomorrow if it still sparks my interest or as well as someone else's

2008-02-13 22:05:41 ET

"Anger can be used in good and useful ways. It will give people passion for things, it will drive them to change what they don't like. Anger is a necessary emotion otherwise people would become apathetic toward things and would end up not caring about anything." agreed! otherwise if youre happy with things they arent gonna change. unless some unforseen cicumstances develop.

2008-02-14 02:32:34 ET

In response to inspector2211 and others

just to clarify:

You seem insightful

I am in no way expressing hatred or anger toward anyone, more like a disgust or dissappointment at the general level of apathy and narcissism throughout the world right now. I am humble and giving to a fault and though I have not fully revealed this here, the path behind me makes this more than evident.

I'm well aware of my own hipocracies for often it is true that the things we dislike around us are also things we dislike within ourselves. I work very hard on my craft and contribution. I'm just trying to wake people up as well as remind myself what needs to be done.

Part of being an artist is fucking with people and getting them to think.

We deserve a world with real equality. Such a thing may never exist, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

More than anything I just wanted to provoke some thought. and from what you and others stated, I believe I succeeded.

I appreciate your welcome and would like to keep up on all of you. You guys seem interesting.

2008-02-14 04:01:19 ET

Anti -- you and I went to bed at the same time.
Do you realize that "but can be" and "sometimes" mean the same thing?

"sometimes (

adv : on certain occasions or in certain cases but not always;"

Chaos Drive -- I've generally found that feeling disgust for something usually leads to anger... there is a very slight difference between the two though. Thank you for the clarification.

2008-02-14 06:24:01 ET

all this thread is doing is making me remember the good ole days when moxie used to have a thread limit up for bandwidth purposes.

2008-02-14 06:35:23 ET

no limit anymore?

2008-02-14 06:37:49 ET

not that i'm aware of.
it was back in the day when the site didn't have as many members or the huge amount of 'width it does now.

2008-02-14 07:24:44 ET

no the limit of 150 comments per entry is still instilled. i was inadvertantly the cause of that limit as well. i had a comment thread (the legendary KULT OF WHAM) that reached around 1,000 comments when i was younger and too dumb to realize the bandwith it was eating up. it got me booted from sk for a week or 2 before i emailed explaining that i was a tard for not knowing any better. immediately after this moxie put a limit on entry comments. the kult of wham will forever live in sk infamy.

2008-02-14 10:41:45 ET

it should figure that if it was a rule against something obnoxious you were the cause ;-)

2008-02-14 23:48:41 ET

You know what sad. I actually remember when that happened... Hmm.

2008-02-15 00:42:09 ET least someone does ;-P

2008-02-15 05:00:20 ET

I remember that... Wasn't Penguin involved too?

Tala -- there's quite a difference between the threads that caused that and this one... This conversation is an actual conversation instead of people making comments just to get a high comment count.

Weren't most of the comments along the line of "217!" or "look! I have another comment!"?

2008-02-15 05:24:43 ET

yea i think i just did miss the pre-bandwidth limitation time
i remember hearing about it though haha

2008-02-15 05:37:07 ET

either that or clears throat :: highly intelligent comments pertaining to wham! or other such discussion topics. yes.

2008-02-15 07:17:38 ET

highly intelligent comments pertaining to wham! does not compute.

2008-02-15 08:05:04 ET

well intelligence is obviously perceived differently for most \m/
atleast that seems to be the case in everyday life haha O_o

2008-02-15 08:20:57 ET

as the pet shop boys once sang "is stupid really stupid, or just a different kind of smart?"

if the comments on this post have reached any conclusion it is the great universal truth and oxymoron: everything is relative.

2008-02-15 08:26:39 ET

yes yes, absolutely
everything is relative\m/

2008-02-15 09:59:04 ET

I don't think I remember the chaos of the bandwidth change, but I do remember getting into a very heated discussion with someone about religion and homosexuality--I'm sure that devastated the bandwidth we had back then. And I think I remember when you joined, AG :)

2008-02-15 10:01:58 ET

i think i remember that one haha
i don't know if i was apart of that debate or not
i deffinately remember reading it haha
deffinately enjoy a good debate

2008-02-29 23:48:45 ET

oh, god.
as usual i got in way too late for the ol' skool member fun wagon.

i couldn't agree more. you've brought the lvl of the "disenfranchised intro rant" to a new wrung. badass

to wit: I miss the Mesa days as well.
but for me they were at the rock quarry.


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