2008-10-12 08:54:13 ET

I havent made an entry in awhile.
School is going good, keeping me busy, EXTREMELY busy, like taking over my weekends now as well. But my grades so far are good.
Jason and I are doing well. In December he is starting back with his friend again playing music, so I know we be awesome, financially, come december.
We just kinda keep to ourselves, go out maybe on friday and saturdays to the hill or where ever the river peeps are meeting up.
Thats about all thats new with your lives.
oh yea, we have a new dog, its a bassest hound, i named him chance, he wondered up here about 2 weeks ago.

.......half-sibling....half-life...2008-09-19 10:15:42 ET

Yesterday I was checking my Myspace, you know looking a blogs, comments, pictures and whatnot. While checking out what was new I came across my sisters new blog. It made my stomache turn to knots. And just made me feel horrible. I felt like this was a small personal attack on me.
Here is the blog....

September 18, 2008 - Thursday

11:59 AM - When will my Father grow up

My father and I do not have a close relationship.

He wasn't there growing up and claimed he was sorry and was going to do better...HaHaHa

I have done my part and gone to visit him...I send a card at Christmas...ya know a few little things to leave that door open...


I went to visit my step father over the weekend and he had asked about my finances. I stated that my finances are fine and asked why he was concerned... He proceeded to tell me that my biological father was talking to him about how I had stopped by the last time I was in town to borrow money from him.

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!! Borrow money from him...He has no money!! The last time I was in town he bought me a stick of garlic bolongna in Frostburg...I went home and made a big deal about that...I stated that it was the first thing he had ever bought me and I didn't know whether to eat it or bronze it!!!

How and why he would say that I borrowed money from him just baffles me....

I have never and would never ever ask him for anything.

The one and only thing that I had ever asked him was to leave my grandmothers house to me in his will so that I can make sure it is restored to the nice loving home that it used to be when she was alive.

I know that he won't because he often forgets that he has other children and I am okay with that...

We had all excepted the fact a LONG time ago that he only has two children Nichole and Ryan and most times you would swear it is only Nichole in his "world"...

I am okay with that too...UNTIL my name comes up... Especially as the child who comes to him when I need something or want something....How effed up is that!!!

I never asked for anything growing up and I surely wouldn't ask him for anything now...WTF...

So, I guess my question is....Should I call him and bitch him out...Write him a letter and hope that he isn't too drunk or stoned to read it and understand it...Or Just let and go and erase him completely? The 3rd one wouldn't be too hard b.c he is just a speck of dander in my life now....

So.....What say you???

.......i dont know how to really respond or react to this....
1 comment

2008-09-05 09:11:43 ET

I'm nervous about what Hanna with bring with her, but I'm more worried about Ike...he could really fuck shit up. It looks like his predicted path as of now is the gulf. We'll see. We are getting flashlight, lanterns, ice, coolers, and etc.. gathered up and ready, this is most likely going to cause power outages.

2008-09-03 10:03:19 ET

so Hanna is going to hit into us full force friday/saturday.
I have reefer, live in a brick home, i'm with my lover and my dog, and I have some vodka, i guess I'll be ok.

ramble on2008-08-30 06:37:41 ET

the weekend is ok so far. thursday i got a case of the crimson curse, so the weekend has had its ups and downs. Only medicinal mj has been keeping the cramps away, and back rubs from the lover.
Everyday I find myself more and more inlove with him, if that is even possible. Its so scary to be that open, that honest, and that close to someone, but at the same time it can be the most wonderful feeling in the world. I do not sleep as well or comfortably when he is not in the bed with me. I love to be close to him. Skin on skin. as close as possible, and just laying there, us in what seems like that one moment, and the world just stopping. He inspires me to be a better person. To stand up for myself and to take shit from no one. He supports me in going back to school, and tries to keep me in good working habits for school, which I need. lol. I have a really awesome relationship. I see so many people in such shitty hateful relationships, and I just like, "why?". People dont realize how many people are out there in the world, that they dont have to settle for anything but the best for themselves, even a relationship. If you are wanting to spend your entire life with one person, search for the right one. Life is too short to be treating each other like shit and beating each other down all the time. Dont be together if the negatives out-weigh the positives. If you can tell someone else you dont like or hate the person you are with, why be with them? If you can say infront of others that you wished something bad would happen to your bf/gf, husband/wife, possibly death, then once again, why are you with them? I just dont understand it. I love the relationship I'm in and the person I'm with. I love what I have shared and continue to share in this life with him.
I'm not sure the point of all of that, it just kinda came out.
Anyway, we might go to the river later if the car gets fix. Thats about the extent of my weekend.

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