2008-08-20 07:20:35 ET

I've been just kinda out there the past two days. Found out a family friend had died 2 nights ago, since then I'm just blah. I just seen her 2 weeks ago(i live in SC, they live in VA). I didnt expect it this soon, I know she looked weak, and hospice was coming in everyday, but she was so active and lifeful while I was there.
When I think back, I feel that she knew. While I was there we sat and watch TV for a couple of hours and she sat there the whole time holding my hand and telling me how much she had missed me and loved me. She was a wonderful, beautiful person. She was like a mother to me. And it fucking sucks that I am never going to see her again.
Life is fucked up and always catches me off-guard.

2008-08-18 14:27:50 ET

I'm finding it hard to be productive art-wise. Am I finding trouble with motivation or inspiration, or maybe both? I'm not sure. I made a picture with chalk pastels for brooke the other day, but that just kinda hit me. Today I tried and got overly frustrated and threw the shit in the trash. I feel like my talents are slowly slipping away due to lack of use. This very throught sends me into a depression. Maybe I'm just having a dry spell. I hope so. I NEED to be creative. That is my sanity.

2008-08-17 07:54:12 ET

Not too much has been going on. I've been hanging out at the river every evening with some friends. Having a blast. Jason will break out the guitar and in seconds everyone will be singing along. Last night was BrookeyBees birthday party. We danced, sung, talked, and beat her ass 18 times(probably more than that with the way Court and I were taking turns). I drank from 1pm-2:30am and had just a buzz. I was proud of myself, I maintained. I will probably be heading to the river for alittle bit today.

School starts soon, the 25th to be exact. I'm going to the school tomorrow to get my books, so I have them and thats out of the way. Besides my remedial math and english, I'll be taking General Psychology and Public Speaking. I cant wait to start classes and get back into a pattern of some sort again.

Once Upon A Girl...2008-07-24 06:09:19 ET

...its a movie that must be watched! Its a 70's movie, thats part real actors and part animated fairy tale porn. Its made by the creator of Scooby-Doo and you can see it in the animation. Its the "real" fairy tales, "the way they were meant to be told". Includes Jack and the Beanstalk, Mother Goose, Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella, and a few more. It was entertaining and a must see!

So I have all my classes straight for this semester. Now all I have to do is get my books two weeks before classes start in August.

I decided that I am going to buy a new car, I'm going to start saving money now and then in a few months I'm going to the car auction. You can get 2 yr old cars for $1100, sometimes less, that have nothing wrong, they were just repo'ed. I'm going to go through Kristin's Granddaddy because he's a car dealer and gets insurance and I wont as an individual buyer. Which means, if I buy it myself and I'm driving it home or a few weeks later after towing it home, I put it on the road and drive it 1st day and it blows up or breaks down in anyway, I just lost $1100. But if her Granddaddy buys it with a dealer number and this happens, then we get my money back or pick of another car. It'll be about $200 extra for him to do that, but to me its worth it. And damn it!, we need a new car.

Now, since Jason and I have decided that when my birth control ends in Feb. that I am just not refilling it, I started tracking my cycle. We will be going all natural. Whatever happpens, happens. No pressure and no rushing.

My journal entries always seems so random and jump around alot. I just write while I'm thinking about it. They are very bland aswell.

How have you all been doing?


cant wait2008-07-21 17:36:02 ET

for classes to start. Hurry up August 25th!
I changed American History to Public Speaking. I'm excited, the Prof. is the same as Anthropology that I took last semester and she is kick-ass. My mom bought me some notebooks and pens and whatnot. And I have some supplies left from last semester, so I guess I wont have to buy anything this semester. I'm going to have to go get my parking pass and books 2 weeks before I start.

Last night we went to the nephews and spent time with the great-nieces. Richard grilled some bbq chicken, which was tastey, and Kristin made some pasta that was delicious. Jason and I played and spent some time with Izzy. She is soo cute and loving. She just over a year old. Then I spent some time with Gabriella, just holding her, watching her sleep, grinning every now and then. She's 3 weeks old now, and so precious. These sweet little precious girls make my urge for children stronger.

Speaking of children, I'm getting off of the pill in feb. Jason is 31 and I'm 23. We are not going to be "trying" , just whatever happens....happens. I'm ready for babies, and Jason is too... and we have come to terms that you will never have enough money for kids. ( this also mean I will be quiting smoking up at that point)

Right now, I'm sitting here bored. Not much to do. I think I might go outside and smoke this joint and then eat the rest of my subway. Jason is at band practice about 40 minutes away, he wont be home until like 2am.
Well...I'm getting off here.

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