|sick of longing||2002-05-25 11:18:41 ET|
oh my gosh.
ok this is insanely annoying.
how long will i continue to swOOn and yearn over cheesy romance movies an t.v shows and even commercials,
i am getting too dramic and emotional over the one thing i crave more than anything else.
yesterday i broke down as my mom had a barbaque, and simply asked me what i wanted to eat, i just started balling my eyes out in front of everyone, i ran to my dungen, and she came down and said she would bring me food, so i didnt have to go back upstairs, i just sat there crying uncontrollably, it was ridiculous, she asked what was wrong i told her i wasn't quite sure, cuz i'm not, she said i need to get out more, how how can i go out when there is no wher to go or anyone to go there with???
its funnt how one can go from being the social butterfly that everyone loves and envies, to someone that people didn'tknow there were still around anymore, i saw arneka at the drugstore and she was almost amazed to see me, she said oh wow ann~marie?, when did you get back from victoria?. i laughed and said umm oh my god! *flips hair* like may 2001! for real *rolls eyes*!! hmmmmm.... i wonder if i was bein sarcastic enuff.
its funny that THEY are all soo shocked to see me, and even more shocked that i have been here for that long.
galen gets back today , he is the only person that i feel is my friend, yet i find myself waiting for the phone to ring just so i can not answer it, maybe its the feeling i will get when it does ring, just so i can have that thought that i do hav a friend, blah i dunnno this is just pointless babble.
i don't even understand what i say anymore, i never really have been able to get my thoughts and feeling thru words, its always misconstrewed or taken as something comepletely different than what i origanlly meant it to be.
Justin was the only person who really understood me, and now he hates me. his letter was oh so dramtic and we created some lame soap opera (Justin is my gay boyfriend/best friend in victoria) oh how i miss him, but i think it may be fixable, we just both need to chill and stop having unreasonable expectations..
blah blah blah...*yawns*. welll time to try and eat and watch tv.